Learn to Love Again
by J Holloway
Summary: We're not broken, just bent; and we can learn to love again. AU: What if Kate had gone down a different path after her mom's murder? What if Rick had married Kyra? Was it fate that still brought them together?
1. Chapter 1

Rick hated hospitals. Sitting miserably on his hard, vinyl seat, he scanned his surroundings again. There wasn't much to see besides a few empty chairs, a water fountain, a rack filled with outdated magazines, and an unmanned information desk.

The waiting room assaulted his senses. Sparsely decorated, the pasty, white walls shimmered eerily under flickering fluorescent lights, giving a feel of trepidation. They couldn't have washed more life out of the room if they had tried.

Sniffing, he wrinkled his nose and reached up to rub it, trying to wipe away the antiseptic smell. He sighed, resigned to the cold, empty feeling that reminded him of that night, so long ago. Everything about this place triggered those painful memories.

Even without the reminder of her passing, the wounds of Kyra's death had not even begun to close. He missed everything about her; her smile, her encouragement, and her love. An intense ache had settled within him years earlier - the last time he'd set foot in a hospital.

Now his worry for Alexis tightened his chest and made it difficult to breathe.

An emotionless voice came over the PA system, startling him out of his thoughts. He forcefully brushed his fingers through his hair and leaned down to rest his elbows on his knees. Absently, he twirled and pulled at his wedding band as he stared unblinking at the emergency room doors. _Open_, he commanded silently. _Please open and tell me she's all right_.

He peered again at his watch, dismayed that only three minutes had passed since he'd last looked. Unable to contain his unease, he sprang from his seat and began pacing, repeating the routine he had developed since the nurse ushered him into the waiting room half an hour ago. Six steps to the double doors, then stop and peer through the window before turning to the right and taking the ten steps to the drinking fountain. He spun around and made his way back to the door and looked through again, willing the doctor to appear.

After a few more circuits without variation, something, or someone rather, interrupted him.

"Didn't you're mother ever tell you that 'a watched pot never boils'"?

Rick turned to find the source of the sound. It was a woman, a beautiful woman. He had seen someone enter, just out of the corner of his eye on his last circuit, but had been so lost in thought that he hadn't even glanced her way.

Now, he stared openly.

In his lifetime, he saw plenty of women but there was something different about this one. Something intangible emanated from her.

He tried to drink in every detail. She had a flawless complexion with high cheek bones all highlighted by a mass of chestnut curls flowing down her back. It was her face that captured him, especially the sparkle in her green eyes and her slightly upturned lips, clearly laughing at him.

She set down her handbag on the seat next to his and removed her coat to reveal a scoop neck shirt that highlighted her figure. Although a few inches shorter than he was, she seemed perfectly proportioned, with long, slender legs encased in a pair of tight jeans. He almost chuckled out loud when he noticed that her feet were in fuzzy, purple slippers.

He realized with a start that he had been gawking and hadn't responded to her comment. He shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Actually, no. The image of my mother in a kitchen is quite terrifying," he stated dryly. He saw her full mouth twitch in amusement before he turned back to the glass.

She crossed her legs as she sat, watching him renew his pacing routing. She didn't mind really, it gave her an opportunity to observe him.

He wore expensive clothing, and judging from the fit, it had been tailored for him. His posture spoke of a privileged background or perhaps it conveyed the confidence from being successful. Besides rugged good looks, he had a dark head of hair you could lose yourself in. She couldn't help but think there was something familiar about this man.

But what really had Kate intrigued, was the look on his face. Although he tried to hide it, he was scared and in pain. The fear could be attributed to whatever brought him to the emergency room, but this pain was old and deep. She wondered what caused it.

_Kate_, she chided herself, _you should stay out of it_.

But when it came to comforting pain, she never listened to anyone's advice, even her own. Without looking up, she opened her mouth.

"You know, you look like a caged tiger." She looked up and threw him an amused smile. "You better be careful or you could walk into something or someone, and wind up seriously hurt. A guy came in here last week after a near miss with a delivery truck. Someone knocked him to the ground and he walked away with only a concussion."

Rick stopped walking and gaped both at the pace with which she spoke and the content of her story. After a moment, he turned and walked back towards her. When he reached his seat, he discarded his jacked and plopped down, resuming his nervous perch on the edge of his chair.

"Talking helps to calm my nerves." She eyed him hopefully. "You don't mind, do you?"

Rick turned to look at her again and gave her a slight shake of his head. He actually did want her to keep speaking. The minute she started, the pressure in his chest had dissipated a little. And he desperately wanted a diversion.

Remembering his manners, he extended his hand towards her. "Richard, uh Castle."

"Kate Beckett "

She took his hand and made eye contact, smiling warmly at him. Rick released her hand rather abruptly and turned to look at anything but her face. He felt such an attraction the moment she touched his hand and flashed that brilliant smile. If she noticed his discomfort, she didn't show it.

"I'm here with my daughter. She'll be five this Tuesday. She is my little angel. She wants a big birthday party with the works."

She paused a moment and gazed off into space and took a sad breath. "I'm really hoping that she won't be readmitted tonight. Neither of us wants to spend **another** birthday in the hospital."

Her voice quivered slightly at the end of her comment, and she stared at her hands a moment.

Rick finally broke his silence with a soft, "How long?"

"What?"

He cleared his throat and repeated, "How long has she been sick?"

"Oh, about 14 months. She was diagnosed with Leukemia. We don't give in easily though, and after four months, she fought it into remission."

Kate sighed and smiled weakly. "Unfortunately, she started feeling tired again a couple of months ago, so she and I found our way back here. Cancer is stubborn, and this time, she had an allergic reaction to the standard chemo drugs. We just started on something new. It helped for a while, but now..."

She trailed off sadly, but he immediately saw her expression firm resolutely. "We'll find a way to beat it!"

Rick lost himself to her story. Her accent was hard to place. She wasn't bridge and tunnel, and no trace of the boroughs when she talked. He assumed that meant she was from Manhattan which meant money but her posture and forlorn expression made him think otherwise. He was captivated by the fire and passion in her voice and her expressive looks.

He noticed that she never mentioned the girl's father and realized she wasn't wearing a ring. His own curiosity in her personal life unnerved him. He diverted his own attention by asking how her daughter handled the sickness.

"She hates all the tests, treatments and medication, but she hasn't lost her sense of humor. She laughs and finds joy wherever possible, usually at little things."

Kate smiled thinking about their trip just yesterday.

"She loves the butterflies and ladybugs in Central Park. She stares mesmerized by the city lights, she absolutely LOVES Chinese food and chocolate is her weakness," Kate smiled conspiratorially and winked. "For both of us."

She opened her purse to retrieve a picture of the two of them together. Rick glanced at it and smiled. The girl was a carbon copy of her mother, with shorter wavy hair. Kate inhaled slowly and held it for a moment before continuing.

"I just wish she wasn't in so much pain."

Rick understood the feeling and said so. They sat in companionable silence.

After a minute, Kate turned the conversation toward him. "So, what are you in for?"

Rick didn't like to talk to anyone about his personal life, especially strangers. He looked at her a bit apprehensively and tried to avoid answering her question.

"You seem fairly calm for a hospital emergency room."

"Not calm exactly, just used to it." He had no idea what she was talking about, but her tone was just so friendly and playful. She laughed softly as his look as it transformed slightly into confusion. "I work here as a nurses aide part time, so consider me the late-night 'welcome wagon'."

Feeling comforted, he relaxed and answered her earlier question.

"My daughter woke up with stomach pains this evening. We didn't understand how painful, until she began vomiting up blood." His unease returned immediately, and Rick looked away from her toward the emergency room doors again.

"Try to relax a little. I know the pediatrician on staff tonight and he's very competent and experienced. I'm sure he's taking good care of your daughter."

She paused and picked up on the tidbit about his family. "Is your wife at home with your other children?"

He closed his eyes at the wave of grief that overtook him. It always did, but he had never been able to share it with anyone. He didn't know why, but he suddenly wanted to confide in this beautiful and compelling woman beside him.

"No my mother is, " He took a shaky breath and looked down at his ring. "My wife died four years ago. Now it's just me and my children."

"I'm so sorry for your loss." The concern he heard in her voice was genuine. "How many children do you have?"

"Just one other. My son, Aiden. He's almost 10 years old."

He pulled his wallet from his jacket and removed a picture of his family to show her. His two children and Kyra smiled back at him. She noted the loving look on his face and leaned over to gaze at the picture.

"I haven't set foot in a hospital since the day she died." He squeezed his eyes shut against the memories. "My wife was the strong one. She was the glue that held our family together. After she died, I struggled to connect again. I couldn't find comfort in anything. I felt like I wasn't really there for my children. I still feel like I'm just going through the motions."

His voice cracked against the strain of containing his emotions, and he clenched his fists in an effort to remain in control.

"You're too hard on yourself. Being a single parent is not easy, even without the grief of losing someone."

He felt her hand rest gently on his lower arm. He finally looked up at her face as a tear trailed down her cheek, her eyes full of compassion.

Rick looked down again and covered her hand with his own to thank her for the kind gesture and words.

"Coming here with Alexis tonight made me realize that I've not felt this way, this frightened and alone, in a very long time. It's still so difficult..."

Rick trailed off feeling immediately self-conscious about sharing his grief with a total stranger. He removed his hand and looked away just as a doctor pushed his way through the emergency room doors.

"Mr. Castle?" He stood and shook the doctor's outstretched hand. "I'm Dr. Davidson. Your daughter is just fine."

Rick felt his knees weaken and released a relieved breath he didn't realize he held. "What happened to her?"

"Alexis has a ulcer, that's what caused the abdominal pain and the bleeding."

"An ulcer? I thought only adults got ulcers."

"Yes, and no. While Peptic ulcers caused by a bacterial infection are quite common, Alexis's is different. Gastric ulcers are infrequent in children, so I'd like to admit her for treatment and observation."

The doctor peeked around him at Kate. "If you'll wait just a few minutes, I'll give you a more detailed explanation and my recommendations."

Rick nodded and the doctor turned from him to extend his hand to the other parent in the waiting room.

"Miss Beckett, it's always a pleasure to see you, even at 2 in the morning."

"I wish I could say the same about you." She winked and smiled at him to show she meant no malice. "And Joshua, I'm not working now, so please call me Kate."

She held onto his hand waiting for the rest. The doctor sighed and looked solemnly at her.

"As you suspected, your daughter's body did not respond well to the new drug. Her body seems to be hypersensitive to any sulfa drug variant. It not only lacked effectiveness in fighting the cancer, but her allergic reaction caused the headaches. I recommend that we stop using it immediately to avoid severe side affects, such as blood clots."

Kate released his hand and crossed her arms. "I agree. So, where do we go from here?"

"I'd like to switch to a drug with a different base. It should be more tolerable, but it is 15% less effective. Since the cancer has not moved into her brain or spinal cord, I think if we combine it with radiation treatments, we could still knock this out."

Kate chewed on her bottom lip, considering what the doctor had told her. Chemotherapy with radiation was so hard on her daughter, but what choice did she have. She nodded her acknowledgment to continue.

"Look Kate, I know you're concerned about the costs, but we'll work something out. The staff and parents are very happy with our arrangements so far. I'll work with my department head to get this new round covered under our existing agreement."

Kate smiled in relief and hugged the doctor, making him blush.

"Okay, then I'll get her moved to her room, while you see Laura about the paperwork." Kate released him and retrieved her belongings from the chair.

"Thanks Josh. I'll see you tomorrow."

She turned to Rick and offered her hand. "Good luck with your little Alexis , Mr. Castle. If you need to talk or just laugh, Mackenzie and I will be in room 204."

Rick took her hand, realizing that Mackenzie must be her daughter. He thanked her and slowly released her hand. Together, he and Dr. Davidson watched as she and her very purple slippers shuffled towards the elevator.

"A remarkable lady," Dr. Davidson remarked. Rick couldn't help but agree.

Dr. Davidson invited Rick to sit and began explaining what happened to Alexis.

"Mr. Castle, Alexis is going to be fine physically. Her pains have subsided. However, I'm a bit concerned about the type of ulcer, especially for someone without any apparent predisposing factors, such as acute illness, trauma or stress. Can you tell me if there's anything else in Alexis's life that could be a contributing factor?"

Rick took a deep breath. "Alexis's mother passed away a few years ago and she...well, we have **all** taken it rather hard. She regularly withdraws into her own world."

Dr. Davidson nodded, thoughtfully. "That does fit the trauma criteria. Stress and anxiety can exacerbate it. I'd like to admit her for a couple of days to observe her response to the medication, run a few psychological tests and have her work with a specialist on learning relaxation techniques. How does that sound?"

Rick nodded and the doctor gave him a reassuring smile. "I'd like to move Alexis into a shared room with Mackenzie Beckett, unless you have any objections. I know that it's less private, but given her condition, I think the interaction with the Becketts would be good for her."

Rick had no objections. He sheepishly admitted to himself that the prospect of seeing Kate Beckett again was rather intriguing. He shook the doctor's hand before following Kate's path to the elevator.


	2. Chapter 2

By the time Kate finished the paperwork, Mackenzie had been moved to 'her' bed. Kate stopped at the threshold, listening to Mackenzie rustle her sheets. She walked to Mackenzie's bedside and sat down on the edge, smiling down at her daughter.

"Hi Mama." Mackenzie smiled weakly.

"Hi Sweetie. Feeling better?"

"Uh-huh but I'm tired, and I wanted you to tuck me in." Mackenzie snuggled down against her pillow as Kate pulled up the blanket and tucked it around her shoulders.

"Sleep now. I'll see you in the morning." Kate stood and set her overnight bag down. Leaning over, she kissed Mackenzie's forehead. "Goodnight, my angel."

"Good night Mama."

Kate stroked her cheek gently until her eyelids slid shut and her breathing became slow and regular. Just then, Kate heard the door open and heard an orderly speaking reassuringly to another patient.

"Here we are, room 204. Now, lets just get you into bed young lady."

Kate peeked around the privacy curtain at her friend wheeling in a young girl. "Hi Morgan."

"Oh, Kate. You're back tonight? Can you give me a hand and turn down the sheets?"

She did so as Morgan helped the girl climb into the bed. After pulling up the sheet and blanket, Morgan started wheeling the gurney out the open door, and instructed her that her father would be in momentarily.

"Don't worry Morgan, I'll sit with her until Mr. Castle arrives."

Up until then, Alexis sat silently, staring ahead with her arms wrapped protectively around her knees. Now, she turned and looked curiously at Kate. Kate smiled at her and introduced herself.

"Hello Alexis, I'm Kate. I met your father downstairs. He showed me your picture."

Alexis looked quizzically up at her. "Are you sick?"

"No honey," Kate smiled. "I'm here with my daughter, Mackenzie." Kate jerked her thumb behind her, indicating the bed behind the curtain. "But, I also work here, so if you need or want anything, just ask."

"Okay."

"Is there anything you want that will help you sleep?"

"Well, I usually sleep with my teddy bear, but I left him at home."

Kate turned around to pick up her overnight bag. "Well, I can't get your teddy, but how about a substitute?"

She pulled a small, brown bear with a deep red bow tie from her bag and presented it to Alexis with a triumphant smile. "Ta-da! He's from Mackenzie's Aunt, but since she's already sleeping, why don't you use him?"

Alexis reached up hesitantly, then pulled the bear snugly to her chest and nuzzled him with her cheek. "Thank you."

"Anytime, angel. Now, is this your first time in the hospital?" Alexis nodded. "That can feel a little scary. Do you have any questions?"

Alexis nodded again. She considered Kate for a minute, then asked tentatively, "Why am I still here?"

Kate sat down on the edge of her bed and took her hand. "I heard the Doctor say you have a sore in your tummy and he just wants to make sure it gets better."

"Oh." Alexis was silent for a moment, looking at Kate pensively. She decided to trust her. "So, I'm not going to die now?"

Kate smiled warmly and took her hands in her own. "No Alexis, you're going to be just fine. In a couple of days, you can go home again, good as new. Why did you think you were going to die?"

"Well, Aiden told me that when mommy went to the hospital she died, so I thought I would too."

Kate reached around to enfold Alexis in her embrace. "Oh, sweetie, not all sickness is the same. I promise you, you are going to get better." She released Alexis and looked her in the eyes. "Now, you just relax and try to get some rest."

Rick stopped at the door and watched Kate tucking Alexis in and kissing her forehead.

"Thanks Kate."

"Anytime, Sweetie." Kate saw some movement in the corner of her eye. "Oh, look who's here."

Rick approached Alexis's bed and marveled at Alexis's smile and relaxed expression. She was normally so anxious and distressed around strangers.

"Hi, Pumpkin. Feeling better?" He reached to rub her shoulder affectionately and glanced nervously at Kate. Kate realized she was intruding and fished around for an excuse to leave them alone.

"Oh, um, I ah, I need to grab an extra blanket. Can I get you anything Mr. Castle?" She scooted around Alexis's bed as she spoke and paused at the door for his answer. Rick turned toward her slightly.

"No, thank you Miss Beckett. I won't be staying long."

Kate glanced behind him and saw Alexis's contented smile falter. Tears sprang to Alexis's eyes before she closed off the emotion behind the same stony look she wore when she first arrived in the room. Kate knew she shouldn't butt-in, but that had never stopped her before.

"Mr. Castle may I have a word with you, in private, before you leave? I'll be in the hallway when you're finished." Then she softly closed the door, leaving them alone.

Rick turned back to find Alexis had assumed her usual distant attitude. He sighed and tried speaking to her again. "How does your stomach feel?"

"Fine." She didn't even bother to look up at him.

Rick sighed again and sat down in the chair next to her bed. "The doctor would like you to stay here for a couple of days to make sure you get all better, okay?"

"Okay."

"Do you have any questions or can I get you anything before I go?" Alexis clutched the teddy bear tightly to her chest and shook her head. Rick stood and reached over to lightly stroke her hair. "I've a meeting in the morning, but I'll come visit you after that, all right?"

Alexis finally looked up at him and smiled slightly. "I would like that, Daddy."

Rick patted her shoulder and turned to leave. He paused at the door. "Get some sleep now. Sweet dreams."

Kate was waiting just outside the door with two blankets draped over her arms. As Rick turned from the room, he almost walked right into her. "Oh, Miss Beckett. What did you want to talk about?"

Kate took a deep breath and looked Rick sternly in the eye. "You really should stay tonight with Alexis."

"Miss Beckett, I appreciate your concern, but Alexis will be fine until tomorrow. I have an business meeting in the morning, but I'll be back after that."

"Mr. Castle, I'm sure that your meeting is very important, but that little girl in there needs her father tonight. Isn't there any way to postpone the meeting or have someone else handle it in your absence?"

Rick was starting to get irritated at her pushiness, his voice raising slightly as he responded. "I don't think I need to explain myself to you. Why is it so important for me to stay here tonight?"

Kate could see that he wasn't going to be persuaded without knowing and she didn't want to alienate him or get him angry. She softened her tone and laid everything out for him.

"Richard, Alexis came to the hospital expecting to die. Now I explained that her illness differed from her mother's, but I also saw her frightened look when you said you weren't staying. She needs you to show her that she'll be all right." At his stricken look, she placed her hand on his arm again. "I know that it's hard for you to be here. If you decide to go, I'll help Alexis, but I really think it would comfort her if you could stay." She squeezed his arm gently and walked around him into the girls' shared room.

Rick stood rooted to the floor and debated on what to do. She was right; he should stay. Alexis was already seeing a therapist, but he didn't know that she feared dying like her mother. If his staying at the hospital would allay that fear, then he would do it.

However, Rick found Kate's effect on him confusing. For the second time tonight, she had known exactly what to say and how to say it to open up his heart. He also couldn't deny that her touch had a very physical affect on him. It immediately calmed his anger and relieved the fear rooted in his chest.

_How does she do that?_ he mused. He shook his head and pulled his phone out to call home.

After the first ring, Rick heard an anxious "Castle residence" at the other end.

"Hello Mother," Rick greeted. "Alexis is going to be fine."

"Thank God," she sighed. "I was so worried. What happened?"

Rick relayed Alexis's diagnosis to his mother.

"Mother, I need to stay the night here. Can you handle watching Aiden for the rest of the night and possibly bringing me a change of clothes? I have to meet with the doctor around 9:30am to discuss possible lifestyle or dietary changes but then I'll be in Alexis's room."

Martha was shocked at his decision. "Of course. I'll get Aiden off to school and meet you there at around 9."

"Very good. Also, I can't make the morning meeting with Paula and Black Pawn. Regardless, Paula should be coming by to get the next installation manuscript that was on my desk. Could you ask her to handle the meeting on her own?" Rick could just hear the wheels turning in his mother's head. "And Mother, play nice. I need Paula to handle my negotiations and I know she is more than capable to handle a meeting without me."

Rick held his breath and finally Martha gave in. "Oh, very well. I'll be nice. Anything else?"

"No, thank you Mother. I'll see you in a few hours. Good night." Rick hung up the phone and turned to enter Alexis's room.

Rick opened the door and took in the scene before him. Kate had pulled a recliner next to Alexis's bed and set out a small pillow and the blanket she'd carried in earlier. She had obviously consoled his daughter as she sat on the bed and held a crying Alexis in her arms. She was just wiping Alexis's tears when Rick returned.

Kate smiled at him and smugly announced, "See?"

Alexis turned to look at Kate and beamed brightly as he approached her.

"I guess I'm not too busy to stay after all." He sat at Alexis's side and she threw her arms around his waist.

"Thank you, Daddy!" Rick felt the tears sting his eyes. Alexis hadn't hugged him in months.

As he wrapped his arms around Alexis and started rocking her, Kate excused herself and pulled the privacy curtain closed around her own makeshift bed next to her daughter. She sat down feeling suddenly exhausted as her own worries pushed into her consciousness.

Kate reached over and slid her fingers across Mackenzie's cheek, then wrapped them around her hand. She finally gave in and let the tears flow silently. After a few moments, she arranged her own blanket and turned out the lamp.

"Sleep well, Angel," she whispered. Then she closed her eyes and slept.


	3. Chapter 3

Rick awoke with a start. It took him a moment to remember where he was, groaning at his body's stiffness when he tried to get up from his chair. He stretched and reached up to rub at a kink in his neck, blearily looking around.

Alexis still slept peacefully, wearing a contented grin and clutching the little brown bear. Rick smiled at her. Last night she had clung to him as he sat on her bed and reassured her with quiet, gentle words until she finally fell asleep in his arms.

He glanced over to the other bed. The privacy curtain had been pulled back to reveal Mackenzie, who was awake and watching him intently. Even without her hair, he could see the resemblance to her mother reflected in her expressive green eyes. He walked over to her bedside.

"I thought you were going to sleep forever. I'm Mackenzie."

Rick smiled at her and her bold statement. "Good morning, Mackenzie. My name is Rick. I'm pleased to meet you."

Rick took her offered hand, but instead of shaking it, he bent over and placed a kiss on the back. Mackenzie giggled.

"Is that your daughter?" She pointed over at Alexis's sleeping form.

"Yes, her name is Alexis. She'll be your roommate for a few days."

"Oh, good. She can come to my birthday party. You can come too. I'm going to be 5 on Tuesday. Aunt Lanie and Uncle Javier are going to come. Have you met my mom? She works here and is probably out helping the nurses with stuff. She should be back soon. She's really nice and pretty too. Do you like chocolate cake? It's my favorite. I asked Mama to bring some for my birthday. Are you going to come?"

Rick had never heard a child speak so quickly or energetically before. When both of his children were five years old, they could talk, but this girl left them way behind.

He chuckled at the similarities between Mackenzie and her mother. Her green eyes expressed excitement, twinkling as she talked and literally sparkled at the mention of chocolate.

He noticed differences too, probably attributable to her sickness; her skin had a bluish tint and she had dark rings under her eyes. He'd also seen her wince in pain as she offered her hand to him in greeting.

"So Rick, can you come to my party? Please? It's going to be so much fun. Mama said she'd get a clown to come here to make balloon animals, only I know that it's just Uncle Javier's friend Kevin dressed like a clown and he only knows how to make a dog. His clown act is okay." She giggled again and then turned her head to look behind him. "Good morning Mama. I was just inviting Rick to my party and telling him about the clown."

Rick turned around to see Kate leaning against the door frame with an amused smile on her face. He wondered how she could look so fresh after staying up half the night. Her hair wasn't as wavy as the night before, pulled back with a headband and mostly straight. He'd never seen someone look sexy in scrubs before, but somehow she managed it.

Her bemused expression shifted from Mackenzie, to him, and back to Mackenzie. "All right young lady. You've already invited enough people. Anyway, you'll wear yourself out talking so much, and this poor man hasn't had a chance to even wake up yet." Kate flashed him a bright smile and handed him a toiletry bag.

"Here, I thought you might need this since you didn't plan on staying in our luxurious accommodations," she leaned in close and whispered "equipped with fully-functional torture racks that double as recliners."

Rick accepted the bag and reached for his own sore neck, grinning in agreement. Kate turned around to point at Mackenzie.

"You - rest now. Dr. Clarke will be in to check on you in a few minutes and you have chemo and radiation in an hour."

Mackenzie started to protest, but quieted at Kate's look. With that, Kate popped a thermometer into her mouth and pulled the blood pressure cuff from the wall.

Rick retreated into the bathroom to freshen up. When he returned, he found Alexis awake and sitting up with a thermometer in her mouth. Her eyes lit up when she saw him.

"Ndaddy, yo fill heayo!" Kate shushed at Alexis's attempts to talk around her thermometer and continued marking her chart. When finished, she replaced the chart and turning to Rick offered, "Coffee or tea?"

"Uh, coffee please. Cream, no sugar."

"Wall Street Journal, or Times?"

"Times, please."

Turning to Alexis to remove the thermometer, she asked, "How about you Lexi, would you like a book of fairy tales, silly poems or adventures?"

Alexis immediately declared "fairy tales" as soon as her mouth was free. Kate addressed Rick once again.

"The doctor will be in shortly. I believe she wanted to discuss Alexis's medication and a new diet." She paused at the door. "I'll be back shortly with your coffee and paper. Can I get you anything else?"

"No, thank you."

Kate gave the girls a mock-stern look. "You two rest, and no horsing around either, that includes making each other laugh."

She winked at Alexis and disappeared around the corner. Both girls immediately burst into giggles until they caught Rick's look, complete with raised eyebrow. They both covered their mouths to try unsuccessfully to stifle their mirth.

Rick had just settled back into his chair when he heard his name called from the hallway. _What now_? he wondered. He leaned his head into the hallway to see Martha trying to restrain a determined Paula Haas from coming down the hallway.

"Richard, what is this all about? Your mother told me you wouldn't be at the meeting this morning."

Rick stepped into the hallway and carefully closed the door behind him. Crossing his arms defiantly during Paula's tirade, he waited patiently for her to finish.

"Paula, please keep your voice down. You are more than capable at negotiating on my behalf. I've seen you do it before. Just pretend that I'm sitting in a corner or something and remember to be pleasant with the representative from Black Pawn."

Paula rolled her eyes and scoffed at him. "Who? Gina? It's impossible to be pleasant to that woman. She's like a-" She flicked her wrist dismissively until she saw the incredulous look on his face.

"I'm sorry Richard, I did pass along your message, but she just wouldn't listen." Martha looked apologetic as she handed Rick his overnight bag.

"Well I tried to call you Richard, but I think your phone was turned off."

"Paula, I stayed overnight in a room with two very sick little girls and I didn't want them disturbed. Now, I need to meet with Alexis's doctor today, so I need you to handle the meeting by yourself."

At her incredulous stare, he firmed his voice. "Yes, yourself. Gina will understand. Just explain that Alexis is in the hospital."

Paula knew she wasn't going to get her way when he used that tone. She'd heard it before, but not since Kyra's death. She acquiesced and slung her bag higher on her shoulder.

"All right, well James Patterson has officially accepted the invitation to your book launch party, so you better show up this time."

"James Patterson?" Kate blushed slightly as she realized how she knew this man. Not one for being embarrassed, she quickly covered it up. "Just what could possibly cause you to miss your own book launch? Were you arrested during the party?"

Paula and Martha both stared open mouthed at the comments coming from the woman behind them. Paula disdainfully eyed Kate up and down.

"Please, Miss Nightingale, this is a private conversation. Just go about your business." Kate put one hand on her hip and turned to face Paula. _Send me on my way, will you? _She addressed Paula caustically.

"Are you a family member of a patient here?" Paula shook her head and started to explain that she was Richard's agent. Kate cut her off. "In that case, you need to leave. My 'business' includes keeping pediatrics quiet and free of stress for the comfort of my patients. We don't need any aristocratic harpies screaming in the hallway, delaying their recovery."

She pulled on Paula's sleeve, turning her around, and then gave her a nudge toward the elevator.

"But you don't understand how important..."

Kate put her hand on Paula's back and pushed a little more forcefully. "You may return during normal visiting hours."

Paula looked back over her shoulder at Rick and sputtered her objection. "Richard, tell her who I am!"

Rick gave her an apologetic look and shrugged slightly. "Sorry Paula, those **are** the rules. Have fun at the meeting."

Paula turned around, but was forced to continue walking backwards by one angry and determined Kate Beckett. Paula bumped into the elevator doors, as Kate reached around her to press the button. She crossed her arms and glared at Paula while they waited for the doors to open. Paula made one more attempt to get her way as the doors opened and Kate forced her into the elevator.

Kate waved as the doors closed, Paula still sputtering her objections to her treatment. Kate turned around and walked back to the two people, whose mouths were both hanging slightly open.

"Some people have no manners." She handed Rick his paper and coffee. "What?" she asked off their looks.

Martha recovered first. "Not many people can put the woman in her place so effectively."

She reached over to take Kate's hand. "I'm Martha Rodgers, Richard's mother."

Kate smiled warily at her. "I'm Kate, Kate Beckett."

Richard watched them as his shock wore off, and then chuckled at the exchange between his mother and Kate. He could tell they would eventually become friends. Kate turned back to Rick and eyed him approvingly.

"That's more like it. You should laugh more often." She picked up a book of fairy tales from the chair next to the door. "Now, if you will both excuse me, our little darlings are waiting for a knight in shining armor to rescue the damsel in distress before breakfast." She gave them a wink and disappeared into the room.

"Wow!" Martha exclaimed, still staring at the door where Kate had gone.

"You don't know the half of it, Mother. She's unlike anyone I've ever met before, like a extraordinary puzzle." Rick trailed off, thoughtfully sipping his coffee.

Martha studied her son with a hopeful heart. Richard hadn't shown interest in anyone, especially a woman, since Kyra died. "In what way?"

Rick was startled from his thoughts of Kate by Martha's question. "Oh, well, she works here as a nurses aide, but she tends to more than just the physical needs. Her daughter is quite sick with cancer, but they're both sociable, cheerful and full of ... life."

He paused a moment and stared into his coffee. "One minute, she's retelling a ridiculous story, and the next she's comforting our fears and pain like she's known us her whole life. It's like I'm on an emotional pendulum when she's around."

Martha stared at her son, amazed at his candor. She didn't have time to press for anything else, since a petite, matronly looking doctor approached them. "Good morning Mr. Castle. I'm Dr. Dorothy Clarke. I'd like to check on these two in here, and then have a chat about some possible lifestyle changes for Alexis."

Rick shook her hand and then introduced Martha. "Fine. Dr. Clarke, this is my mother, Martha. She cares for my children when I need additional help."

The doctor nodded her greeting as she entered the room to check on Alexis and Mackenzie. "Good morning, Miss Castle. How are you feeling today?"

She checked Alexis first and reviewed her chart. After asking a few questions, she informed Alexis that she had an appointment with a therapist and nutritionist later that day, but otherwise did not have to stay confined to her room. Then the doctor moved over to look over Mackenzie's chart.

"Miss Mackenzie, back again so soon?" She moved next to her bed to listen to her heart and breath. "Deep breath. Now again. How are your head and tummy feeling?"

"Fine."

Dr. Clarke locked eyes with Mackenzie for a second and then called for Kate . "Miss Beckett, would you mind running down to treatment room 'A' and telling Jerry to get it prepped, then come up to fetch Mackenzie?" Kate eyed her suspiciously, but left immediately.

"Okay. Now that mommy is gone, tell me how your body is feeling." Mackenzie released a shaky breath.

"I hurt really bad in my chest, it's so sore and it's hard to breathe." The doctor felt around her chest and noticed some lumps near her armpits. Mackenzie gasped when she touched them.

"How about the headache, still there?"

"Not as bad as before."

"All right, honey. We can give you something for the pain with your breakfast, but we have to wait. You need to go for Chemo and radiation first, okay?"

Dr. Clarke stood up from the bed as Kate and the orderly returned with a wheelchair. They gently lifted her into it and wheeled her out, Kate trailing apprehensively behind. The doctor turned back to Alexis. "I'm going to steal your dad for a few minutes Alexis. You're breakfast should be here in a minute." She smiled at her, then motioned for Rick and Martha to follow and took them down the hall to her office.

Once they were seated, Dr. Clarke explained Alexis's condition again, repeating what Richard had heard last night. She offered them some dietary guidelines, then asked them several questions about Alexis's lifestyle. Rick told her about her mother's death and shocked Martha by also explaining that his withdrawal probably contributed to Alexis's anxiety. Dr. Clarke concluded.

"I want to start Alexis on regular therapy with some specific relaxation exercises. I've set an appointment for today at 2. Since the duodenal ulcer is rare in children, I'd like to keep her here for another 2 days for observation, but she need not stay confined to her room."

She handed them a brochure. "The activity center is located down the hall on the right and we have a very pleasant roof garden if she would like to go outside. I encourage family members to stay or visit and even short outings are allowed. If you need anything, just ask Miss Beckett. She does an excellent job of looking after our patients' families."

After determining that they had no further questions, she shook their hands and left to attend another patient. Rick and Martha made their way back to Alexis's room.

"Mother, I think I'll work from here today. Please bring Aiden here for a visit after he returns from school." Martha nodded as she accepted the request.

"Thank you," Richard gave her a hasty hug. Martha was startled by the sudden show of affection. _Yes, this Kate Beckett is just what the doctor ordered_, she thought as she watched Richard walk away.

Rick returned to find Alexis finishing her breakfast. She looked up at him and grinned.

"Hi Daddy. Kate brought you your breakfast. She thought it was boring, but she got you eggs and toast. She pointed to the side table. "I'm feeling better. May I go to the activity center after breakfast?"

She took another bite as Rick sat down on the bed and hugged her from the side. "Of course you can, Pumpkin. I'm glad you're feeling better."

Rick pulled his food and paper next to the bed where he and Alexis finished eating in comfortable silence.


	4. Chapter 4

Richard heard footsteps running quickly down the hall and stood to leave the activity room where Alexis sat playing with a dollhouse. He entered the hall just in time to catch his son. Rick spoke in a harsh whisper. "What did I tell you about running indoors?"

Aiden stared at the floor and crossed his arms, while muttering, "Not to do it."

Rick let out an exasperated sigh and rolled his eyes before giving his son a one armed hug.

"How is Alexis? Gram and I brought some flowers for her room." Rick looked behind his son to see his mother standing with a bouquet. Gathering them, he led them toward Alexis's room when they met Kate coming through the door. She had changed from her scrubs to a tight black pants, heels and a purple plaid blouse.

"Oh, Castle, he's even taller in person and he looks just like his mom. Hello," Kate reached over to shake Aiden's hand. Confused, Aiden hesitated and looked around for some other person, then shyly took her hand. "Oh, don't be shy Aiden." Kate leaned over and smiled.

Aiden didn't know who this strange lady was, but he immediately liked her. "How do you know my name and why were you in my sister's room?"

"Where are my manners. My name is Kate and your sister is sharing a room with my daughter, Mackenzie. Your dad told me your name when he showed me your picture."

Aiden squinted his eyes, glaring at Kate. He couldn't resist asking her about her earlier comment. "Did you know our mom?"

Kate squatted down in front of him and smiled warmly. She reached out and touched his shoulder. "I only met your father last night. But, he showed me your family picture. Your mom was a beautiful woman and it sounds like she loved her family very much. I know your dad misses her, but how are you doing?"

Her open acknowledgment of their mother and her question took him by surprise. No one had talked about their mom in years, let alone asked if they missed her. The sadness Aiden usually covered with sarcasm bubbled to the surface and his eyes stung with tears.

"I miss her more every day." Aiden whispered, choking a little on the words. "No one understands me like my mom did..." Aiden's voice broke as the tears started to fall. Kate embraced him and rocked him making soft, soothing sounds.

"It's okay to miss her. Never forget that she loved you. She will always be with you in your heart." Aiden tears slowed and then stopped with a hiccup. He pulled away and stared at Kate for a moment. She smiled at him and pulled a tissue from her purse.

"Better?" She grinned mischievously at Aiden. "Why don't you come with me? There are some games in the activity room that might interest you, like Xbox? That's where your sister is anyway."

She stood and took Aiden with her other hand and talked as they walked down the hall. Rick watched Kate lead his son away. He and Martha had witnessed the entire exchange between Kate and Aiden. He turned to Martha. "See what I mean, Mother? She knows him 30 seconds, and she can... just..." Rick trailed off, gesturing to the place they'd been standing.

Martha eyed her son as Rick watched Kate bounce happily down the hallway. Martha knew that look well. He was already falling in love with this woman, but how long would it take him to realize it. It had taken him months with Kyra, and he didn't have half the emotional baggage interfering back then. Martha liked Kate Beckett. She was good for this family, and it was now her duty to keep Kate connected after Alexis's hospital stay ended. Time to put all of her skills of acting to work.

"She is remarkable." Rick turned to face her, and Martha could see the conflict written all over his face. He reeked of guilt and fear. This is definitely going to take some work. "I know this isn't the best time to bring this up darling, but I must remind you that starting next week I will be in that play I was telling you about. And tomorrow is our dress rehearsal."

Rick rubbed his finger against his temple and started pacing up and down the hall. "I'm supposed to do an interview with Kristina Kotera tomorrow night. Have you tried any of the agencies for a sitter or a nanny? I don't feel comfortable leaving the children home alone and our schedules are becoming less in sync."

"I've contacted a new agency and should hear something back from them tomorrow." Rick could tell his mother wanted to add something else to the conversation. "What about Miss Beckett? Would she be willing to watch the children?"

Rick considered the idea, and then discarded it with a wave of his hand. "No, no I couldn't ask her. I barely know the woman and she's very busy."

"Ask me what?" Rick's heart practically jumped from his chest at the voice coming from just behind him. He leaped around and almost stumbled right into the woman. "Pacing again? That can't be good. What's worrying you?"

"Oh, ah, I...I um should go check on the children." Rick stammered and excused himself, sidestepping around her towards his escape. Kate watched him walk away with a hand on her hip, and then turned to Martha.

"What does he need that he doesn't want to admit to?" Martha grinned. She couldn't have asked for a better set up. She proceeded to fill her in on the dilemma, to which Kate sighed; annoyed that Rick hadn't just asked her. "It's no problem. My Mackenzie's birthday party is tomorrow. Two kids won't even make a dent. In fact, having two kids would be a blessing." She smiled and Martha watched her walk away, her plan already forming.

Rick decided to stay at the hospital again that night. With no one at home, it meant asking Martha to cover for him again, but she was surprisingly cooperative. Of course, he still had a mountain of work to do.

He had tried to writing several times during the day, but had been interrupted. Half way through one chapter, Kate had insisted he attend Alexis's first meeting with the therapist regarding relaxation technique. She wouldn't take no for an answer, coyly suggesting he may want to learn an alternative to pacing.

The second time he'd picked up his computer, she had dragged him over to join them for lunch. Kate had arranged a picnic on Mackenzie's bed, complete with checkered blanket, a basket and even fake butterflies swaying daintily on wires over plastic flowers. She and Mackenzie had kept them laughing for an hour with their stories.

Of course, Aiden had pulled him away the next time. After the visit at the hospital, he'd gone home and shocked Aiden by making dinner for them for the first time since Kyra died.

The most recent distraction wasn't really her fault either. He'd returned to the hospital to find Alexis already tucked in and sleeping. He'd just settled into his chair to write again when she'd emerged from the bathroom, ready for bed. She had combed out her hair, which was now hanging loose with her soft curls framing her face, and had also removed her make-up. She'd put on a fuzzy, white bathrobe and her purple slippers. Kate didn't even notice his transfixed look as she yawned a sleepy, "Good night Castle," before pulling Mackenzie's curtain shut.

He listened to the two of them whisper their love and excitement about Mackenzie's party. A while later, he'd heard her gentle cries and whispered prayers for Mackenzie's recovery. Through it all, he tried to write some asinine story that he couldn't even remember the plot to.

He wished he had her ability to comfort with a word or gentle caress, but he feared going to her now. He knew what he feared and it kept him fastened to his seat, wondering, debating, arguing with himself until the sounds ceased, eventually replaced by her steady breathing.

Thoughts of her continued to roll through his mind until he finally closed the laptop and set it aside with an exhausted sigh. Two hours had passed without any progress. He might as well get some sleep, since he couldn't concentrate with her so close. His mind kept returning to what it would be like to comfort her in his arms, wipe away her tears, or kiss her until the pain disappeared. That sent him into a panic. He didn't want to feel that way about anyone again. He had learned as a child that if he did not rely on anyone else for love, he wouldn't be hurt when he didn't get it. Kyra had changed all that. He'd been magically drawn to her and hadn't been able to resist her warmth, laughter and emotional strength. He'd never felt anything like it before in his life and he was hooked the day they met.

Oh, he had fought it, but in the end came to trust her sincerity. He'd found the true and everlasting kind of love. He pledged his love forever, and although she was gone, he would never break that promise. Comforted by his own resolve, he drifted to sleep.

"Castle, Castle wake up." Kate's voice dragged him out of sleep. "I'm sorry to wake you, but your business associate left an urgent message."

Rick sat up quickly and groaned at the stabbing pain in his neck. He reached up to rub it away and tried to focus his bleary eyes on Kate. She was already dressed, this time in a bright red blouse and skin-tight black pants. He pulled his eyes away from her legs and met her smiling face above him.

"I told you it was torture. Here, allow me." She stepped around him and started to rub his shoulders. "Miss Haas called to remind you that you have a signing today, which '_you must arrive at 10 AM sharp'," _Kate mocked the woman's request. "It's a completely unreasonable request of anyone up past 3 AM like you were, by the way. Also, she wants to know what kind of progress you have made."

Rick groaned. It was just as much for the pleasant feeling of her massage as for the unpleasant message from Paula. "I couldn't even get through the first chapter, I was so distracted yesterday."

Kate stopped rubbing his shoulders and moved over to retrieve his paper and coffee. "Well, if you want my advice,you should just start over. That case you had Detective McAllister work on in In Hail of Bullets was phenomenal and Flowers for Your Grave, I thought the dialogue was witty though I cried at the hero's loss. But then that whole ordeal with Adam Parel in Hell Hath No Fury," She indicated to the wastebasket in the corner. "I mean, angry wiccans out for blood? You have to admit that the story was a bit of a stretch."

She turned to pick up her own coffee mug. She sipped her coffee as he stared at her openmouthed. She noticed his incredulous stare. "What? I'm a sucker for a mystery with an interesting case..."

"When did you have time to read all those?"

"Oh well, your first three books I read last year some time when I couldn't sleep."

Kate blushed a little. "I read One Bullet One Heart earlier this week. You have a real gift. Have you ever considered creating a detective series?" As his silent stare continued, she flushed a little deeper. "Forget it, I'm no expert. It was just my opinion."

Rick finally recovered from his shock to reassure her. "I haven't considered it but I appreciate your opinion. Thank you."

She beamed happily at the complement, and then turned to face their girls, who were stirring from sleep. "Good morning, angels." She and Rick both moved to the space between their beds.

At the look on Mackenzie's face, Kate pulled the privacy curtain closed around them and reached for a bucket from the bedside table. She raised Mackenzie up just in time, and continued to hold her, rubbing her back until she finished. Kate wiped her mouth and gently laid her back down as Mackenzie began to cry silently.

"I hurt, Mommy. I want it to stop."

Kate pulled Mackenzie to her chest and rocked her as she stroked her head. "We're trying, baby. I'll talk to Dr. Davidson. Let's see if he will give you your medicine now."

Kate reached over call the nurse, but Mackenzie shook her head. "No, I don't want to sleep through my birthday. I can wait."

"Mackenzie, I won't have you hurting all day. Everyone will be here at 3. You can rest until then."

After discussing the situation with the doctor, Kate returned and held Mackenzie until the nurse came with some medication. She stayed, rocking and humming a lullaby until Mackenzie fell asleep. She came around the corner just as Rick was leaving for the day.

"Castle, before you go, can I ask you a favor? I was wondering if I could take Alexis for an outing today. I need to shop for a dress for Mackenzie, and I'd love some company."

"I don't have any objections, Beckett, as long as it's all right with her doctor."

"Great, I already cleared it with Dr. Clarke. What time will your interview be finished this evening? I'll feed Aiden too and get him working on his homework, but I want to inform everyone we'll have late a family visitor."

Her question caught him off guard. When did this get arranged? _Mother! _"Oh, I should be done around 8. At the latest, I will pick up Aiden around 8:30." He gave Alexis a quick kiss on the cheek and left, one less worry on his mind.


	5. Chapter 5

"Mackenzie. Mackenzie, wake up. It's time to get ready for your party.'" Kate gently shook Mackenzie's shoulder until her eyes flickered open. She had dark circles under her eyes and she was deathly pale, but the sparkle returned at the anticipation for the coming event. Kate helped her wash and change into a new dress.

"Lexi and I found it today."

Alexis helped set out the decorations while Kate finished helping Mackenzie dress. Soon Esposito, Lanie, and Ryan arrived bearing presents and birthday wishes. A few minutes later, Martha dropped off Aiden, who had brought his video camera to capture the party. On her way out to her show, Martha motioned for Kate and whispered to her, "The clown will arrive in about 10 minutes."

Kate hugged her tightly. "Thank you, Martha. You're the greatest."

She winked. "A small repayment for the kindness you've shown us over the last couple of days kiddo."

Everyone enjoyed themselves at the party. Mackenzie loved seeing her Aunt and Uncles. The clown kept her smiling the entire hour, and he made her several balloon animals. Besides juggling and telling jokes, he pulled Aiden into the center when he realized he liked to do impressions. Together they had everyone crying with laughter.

Then, Mackenzie had blown out the candles on her cake. 5 years old. She made it! Everyone thought her birthday wish was to get better, but she shared a secret look with her mom after the candles went out. They both knew Mackenzie's greatest desire was to have a dad.

She loved her mother, but she also dreamed of a dad who would tell her stories, dance with her and maybe even sing her to sleep. She also wanted someone who could take care of her mom. Kate showed her cheerful face around other people, but sometimes late at night when she was supposed to be sleeping, Mackenzie caught Kate crying. She wanted someone to take care of her. Mackenzie stopped daydreaming about her party and wish to catch the end of the story. "The handsome prince kissed the princess, breaking the spell and they all lived happily ever after."

Kate closed the gook and gave both Mackenzie and Alexis a squeeze. "All right you two, twenty more minutes, then it's time to get ready for bed."

Rick had arrived at the activity room in time to hear the end of the story as well. He decided to wait outside the door until they finished, since he loved seeing Kate interact with his kids. Alexis smiled and played when Kate was near, but her conversations with Aiden really gave him a new appreciation of her. He watched Kate walk over to Aiden. "How's that homework coming?"

Aiden didn't look up, but mumbled as he continued to stare intently into his math book. "Almost finished."

Kate muttered uh huh and reached over to pull the Spider-man comic out of its hiding place in the chapter on multiplying fractions. "Hey!" he protested.

"Not another word, mister. If you've got this much free time, you can help me on my rounds; it's time to clean the bedpans."

Aiden's eyes widened, disgusted. "No way, Kate! That's gross! Besides, I need to study for a math test tomorrow."

Kate nodded. "Okay, then see that you do." She winked at the girls then grabbed a duffel bag and pulled a privacy curtain to change her clothes. A minute later, she emerged in her scrubs. She turned to Aiden before heading out the door. "I'm going to quiz you when I return." Turning, she almost ran into Rick in the doorway, exclaiming a little "Oh! Hey Castle."

"Hi Kate, I hope the children weren't any trouble."

"No trouble at all, but Aiden and I have a fractions quiz when I return." She glanced around at him and saw him bury his head into his math book. Rick tried to let Kate pass by stepping aside, but Kate stepped the same way. They both muttered sorry and stepped aside, again right in front of each other. When the same thing happened a third time, they heard giggles from behind them. Rick grinned and winked at Mackenzie and Alexis, then bowed slightly at the waist and neck.

"Shall we dance, Miss Beckett?" Rick stuck one hand out to her waist and held the other up. "A waltz, perhaps?"

She hesitated a moment and looked him suspiciously in the eye, and then took his hand. "I'd love to Mister Castle."

Rick hummed a couple bars of music then led her around the room, spinning to avoid hitting chairs, tables and toys. Kate had never danced with someone this skilled before. She felt like she was floating on air.

After twirling her once, he heard Alexis call out. "Waltz's are boring, Daddy. Do the Mambo!" Rick paused a moment and looked the question at Kate. She shrugged. Just then, Aiden started singing a tune with the appropriate beat and the girls joined in. Kate and Rick smiled at each other. They danced around the room again, this time really feeling their bodies moving in sync to a more sensuous dance. They paused as Rick twirled her in, flush against his body. The kids clapped.

"Mama, how about the Cha Cha?" Mackenzie called out her preferred dance in a weak, but happy voice. Kate stepped away and looked embarrassed at Mackenzie's request.

"Oh, I don't know honey. Maybe Rick doesn't dance the cha cha."

Rick stepped back, acting wounded, placing his hand over his heart. "I'll have you know that I do know how to dance. I can even boogie all night if you want to."

Aiden snickered at his dad's terminology. "Yeah, right, Dad. You're really hip."

Rick glared at his son for a moment, then turned to Kate holding out his hand. Simultaneously, they assumed a pose at the same time. Kate counted it out and they matched each other step for step. They finished as Rick dipped her.

He couldn't help grinning from ear to ear, matching Kate's excitement, as her eyes sparkled. He glanced down at her mouth, and his smile faltered as he thought again what it would be like to kiss her. She noticed his look, and she felt her cheeks flush as they stared at each other, both of them feeling a thrilling current pass between them.

The sound of their children's applause pulled them apart and Rick turned away embarrassed, tugging to loosen his collar.

Kate wiped at her forehead with the back of her hand. "Wow, Castle, that was fun! I haven't danced in a long time." She turned to the children. "And you all were great DJs. Where did you learn so much about music?"

Aiden rolled his eyes. "Kate, we're kids. We don't live under rocks. We learn about music in school."

They laughed and Kate glanced up at the clock. "Oops, gotta run. I'll be back in a few minutes." She trotted out the door, while Rick greeted his children. Then he wheeled Mackenzie out with Alexis and escorted them all back to the girls' room to get them ready for bed.

Rick placed Mackenzie into bed, squatting down to talk with her. "So, how's the birthday girl? Did you have a nice party?"

Mackenzie's face lit up as she recounted every detail from the afternoon and even convinced Aiden to reenact some of his impressions. "We had Chinese take-out and chocolate cake. The food is gone because Mama gave it to her friends, but we saved you a piece of cake." She pointed to the bedside table.

Rick thanked her and reached into his pocket, pulling out a small box wrapped in silver paper and a bright pink bow. He handed it to her. "Happy 5th birthday, Mackenzie."

Mackenzie unwrapped it slowly so she wouldn't damage the paper and opened the box. It was a heart-shaped locket. She used her fingernail to open the locket and found the picture of her and her mom inside. She looked at Rick as he pulled the original out of his wallet and placed it back in Kate's purse. He leaned down and whispered conspiratorially. "I swiped it when your mom wasn't looking and made a copy."

Mackenzie tried to sit up, lifting her arms to put it on, but stopped midway and closed her eyes against the pain. She handed it back to Rick. "It's pretty. Will you help me?"

Rick smiled at her and gently reached around her neck to close the clasp, then kissed her on the forehead. "You've had a busy day. You should rest now." He stood and pulled the curtain halfway shut.

"Rick?"

"Yes, Mackenzie?"

"Thank you for my gift. You're a great dad." She smiled weakly, and then closed her eyes with her hand clutching the locket.

Rick stared at her for another minute, and then turned and whispered to his children that it was time to go. He promised Alexis that he'd be back later and reminded her that she would be able to go home in the morning. Tucking her in, he kissed her goodnight. As they headed for the elevator, Kate came around the corner and stepped in beside him.

"Don't worry about Alexis, Castle. I'll watch her."

Thinking about all he'd seen and heard this evening, he decided to take risk. "Kate, would you ever consider trading in your hospital career?" At her confused look, Rick quickly continued. "I'm in desperate need of help and my children already adore you. Think of it like being my assitant."

"That's funny Castle," She laughed looking at him, stopping suddenly when she realized he wasn't joking.

"Oh, you're serious." Kate eyed him a moment. "Hhmm. That's a pretty big decision, but I will think about it. How did your meeting go?" Kate asked, desperate to change the subject.

"Quite well, thank you. We're finally ready for the book launch party."

Kate turned to Aiden. "I bet you'll get all dressed up."

Aiden meekly answered. "Well, I'm not really going..."

Kate turned to stare incredulously at Rick. He cleared his throat nervously. "Actually, since **someone** faked his own gruesome death and scared away another sitter, we will be attending the premier as a family. Aiden and Grace will have to sit with Paula while I do a few signings."

Aiden looked horrified at the prospect of spending an evening with Paula. After some quick thinking, Aiden turned to his father. "What about Kate? I'm sure she's never been to a book launch party before and she could sit with us."

Rick glared at his smirking son for setting him up like this. Yet, the idea was quite appealing. The thought had crossed his mind several times that day, but he hadn't the courage to invite her without an ulterior motive. He decided to take the opportunity and turned back to Kate. "What do you think, Kate? Would you like to attend the launch of my new book Friday night?" He leaned in and whispered, "It's a mystery with an interesting case..."

"I don't know..." she began, but at seeing Aiden's crestfallen look, she started to laugh. "Oh, look at that face. Let me see if I can arrange it something with Lanie."

Aiden started jumping up and down, cheering, before Rick shushed him and herded Aiden into the waiting elevator. Before he could enter, Kate gently tugged on his arm. He turned back to see her eyes glistening with unshed tears. At his questioning look, she whispered quietly, "Thank you for sending the clown to Mackenzie's party. You made her day. It's the kindest thing anyone has done for us in a long time."

Rick started to deny it, but was stunned to silence when she reached up to kiss his cheek. She leaned around him to wave goodbye to Aiden and stood smiling as the door closed.


	6. Chapter 6

"Mother, I'd like a word with you!"

From his tone, Martha knew that she'd been discovered for meddling in her son's personal life and he didn't sound too happy about it. _Okay, old gal, time for some quality acting. _Martha entered the office to see Rick pacing in front of his desk. "What is it Richard?"

Rick stopped pacing briefly and fixed Martha with a scathing look. "You can stay out of my personal life to start."

Martha assumed an innocent expression. "What personal life?"

"Oh, come on. Kate? Surely you had a hand in that."

"And what happened between you and Kate?" Might as well dig for something juicy to fill in the story.

Rick stopped pacing again and leveled a glare at her. "The clown?"

Okay, time to deflect. "How is Mackenzie? Did she have a nice birthday party?"

Rick leaned against his desk and let out a sigh. Drumming his fingers on the underside of the desk, a smile came to his face. "Wonderful. She was just glowing as she told me about it. Even as sick as she is, she just sparkles with joy in everything. She even saved me a piece of chocolate cake."

"Quite an achievement." Martha couldn't help but smiling. Her plan had worked as well as she'd hoped. Her son was smitten with both of them. She tried to determine his emotions and level of commitment as Rick stared off into space, reliving some memory.

"What am I going to do?"

"About what, Richard?"

Rick refocused and looked annoyed at Martha. "About Kate."

"Is she angry about the clown?"

"No, she was very happy."

Martha watched him blush and congratulated herself. She could tell that something had happened between them, and judging his reaction, Kate had shown some affection. This was a delicate moment. Richard Castle had to be led gently; otherwise, he would bolt. "Did she not take good care of the children?"

"No, she did an excellent job."

Martha was growing exhausted of his limited answers. "Oh for heaven's sake Richard, what did she do?"

"She knew exactly how to handle Aiden and the talk they had was amazing. It's like she can read our hearts and minds without even trying."

"Perhaps you should offer Kate a position here then."

Rick pushed away from his desk and started pacing again. "I already did, but she turned me down...No, that's not exactly true. She didn't believe I was serious at first, and she said she'd consider it."

"If she took good care of the children, isn't angry and hasn't turned down the job, then what **is** the problem?"

Rick stopped walking and dropped his head in thought a moment. "We danced in the hospital, and then later, she kissed me."

Martha made a mental note to do a little happy dance later. "Was unpleasant?"

Still looking down, Rick drew a little circle on the floor with his foot, his voice a bit sulky and hesitant. "No, it was-" Rick trailed off unsure of how to describe his kiss with Kate.

"A little too pleasant?" When Rick didn't answer, Martha prodded again. "She's a very beautiful woman, Richard. No one could blame you for being attracted to her."

Rick exploded into motion and raised his voice. "But that's just it! **I** blame me. I've had no problem resisting physical attraction before, but she makes me feel... so... so...I don't know." He stopped walking again and hung his head.

"I wasn't referring to her physical beauty, although she's not exactly lacking in that area. Kate has something inside that this whole family needs. How do you feel about her?"

"Confused! When I'm near her, I feel invigorated and yet calm at the same time. She drives me crazy, but I can hardly bear to be away from her. I can't stop thinking about her. She's the most remarkable, maddening, frustrating, challenging person I've ever met. I feel so alive when I'm with her! Like I'm...falling...in.." Rick turned to face his mother, the conflict written heavily in his expression. "I don't want to feel this way with anyone else. I made a promise, Mother. I can't betray Kyra this way."

Martha decided to pull out the big guns. "What if the situation were reversed? What if **you** had died that night? Would you want Kyra to raise Aiden and Alexis without a father, even if she met someone who could give them a father's love and guidance?" Martha placed her hand on his shoulder. "Would you really prefer that she remain alone and miserable, even 4 years after your passing? I think Kyra would be happy to have someone like Kate taking care of her family." Martha turned to leave but stopped at the office door. "And I do mean the _whole_ family." With that, Martha left a pensive Richard Castle alone to think.

Rick returned to the hospital sometime after 10. Alexis slept peacefully, cuddling the plush, white bear, so he decided to work a little before bed. He'd just ventured out into the hall to find a cup of coffee when he saw Kate talking with another family down the hall.

He busied himself with the vending machine while he quietly observed her. She held the woman's hand as she softly explained where they could stay while their son received treatments. She patiently listened to their concerns, offering encouragement and assisted them in finding all the appropriate paperwork for their insurance. The level of empathy she demonstrated amazed him.

By the time she finished talking with them, they had visibly relaxed before leaving to join their son.

"Castle, can I help you find something?" He realized that he didn't really have an excuse for lingering in the hallway and stammered an answer.

"Well, I wanted a cup of something before bed. Would you like to join me?"

She agreed and in a few minutes, she sat recounting how she got the job at the hospital. "When Mackenzie got sick the first time, I was so lost in the medical jargon. I wanted to make good decisions, but didn't know how. I felt helpless and hated the feeling. I decided I needed to learn and fast, so I begun researching and studying everything I could get my hands on."

"When did you start here?"

"Dr. Davidson pointed me in the right directions in the beginning, and then when Mackenzie got sick again, he hired me part-time." Rick didn't respond immediately. It sounded innocent enough, but he felt strange at her references to Dr. Davidson. Was there something between them? She certainly seemed friendly with him in the emergency room. Kate pulled him out of his jealous contemplation.

"Of course, working here I discovered more than just peace of mind..."

"What's that? The torture racks or the sexy scrubs?"

She hit his arm playfully. "No. Meeting people from all walks of life taught me that people really are all the same - doctors, businessmen, construction workers, authors..." She looked pointedly at him and gave him a wink, and then got serious. "Illness or injury is a great equalizer. Once a child is hurting, all the differences between us melt away, and all that matters is getting that child well."

"Well I'm certainly glad for your help with Alexis. I think you're very good at what you do."

"Thanks. It's a career with a purpose. I find it very fulfilling. I just wish we didn't have to struggle as much." Kate yawned. "You'll have to excuse me. I'm about to turn into a pumpkin, so I guess I'll call it a night. Thanks for the talk, Castle."

He stood as she rose to leave. "My pleasure. Thank you for the company."

After she walked away, he looked down at his unfinished coffee and sighed, wondering if he'd be able to concentrate at all when all he could think about was the woman down the hall.


	7. Chapter 7

Alexis checked out of the hospital the next morning. The next few days flew by for Rick as he lost himself to his next novel. His spirits soared as all the preparations proceeded without much difficultly. And, he couldn't wait to see Kate again. Paula complained about bringing the children.

"But Richard, since she's watching the children anyway, why can't they just stay here?"

Rick looked up with an annoyed expression. "Paula, I used to bring my family to the launches all the time, and Miss Beckett has graciously agreed to help care for **my** children. What exactly is the problem?"

At the look in his eye, Paula backpedaled a bit. "I'm not opposed to your family, it's just... how much do you know of this woman? How can you trust her?"

Rick's look hardened. "That's enough Paula." His eyes unfocused and a slight smile appeared as he continued. "You should see her with them. It's like magic the way she can ease our pain and unhappiness." He thought about how much happier they had all been since they met her. Alexis had no trouble returning to school, and he had seen her smiling and humming as she played. Aiden had aced his first school test in ages and seemed more confident.

As she watched him reminisce, Paula knew that she'd lost more than just the battle about a book launch party. His choice of words and the expression on his face could only mean one thing - Richard was falling in love, just like with Kyra. She felt slightly disappointed, but oddly enough, not sadness.

For Kate, the days crawled by. Mackenzie's new treatment pushed the cancer into remission, so the cancer cells stopped spreading, but the radiation made her so sick that she couldn't eat. They fitted her with an I.V. to keep her hydrated and gave her medication for the nausea, and that helped a little.

Lanie stopped by on Thursday for a visit and talked with Kate. "She doesn't look too good. What does the doctor say?"

Kate pulled her friend into the hallway. "I met with Dr. Davidson today. The cancer has pretty much halted, but the treatments still make her sick." Kate's eyes began to well. "Lanie. I just can't stop her pain."

Lanie pulled her into a hug as Kate started crying. "Honey, don't give up. That's good news, she'll pull through this."

Kate wiped her eyes. "Maybe I shouldn't go out tomorrow. I don't want to leave her."

Lanie placed her hands on her hips. "Katherine Beckett, you have got to enjoy life outside this hospital. How many times is a New York Times author going to ask you out? You are going!" Kate wavered. She really did want to go, but still worried about Mackenzie. "In fact, Kate, go now. Get a gown. I will stay here while you shop. And I'll be back tomorrow so you can get dolled up. Go! Enjoy yourself."

Kate hugged her friend. "Thanks, Lanie! Love you!"

Kate found the perfect dress shopping and had a fabulous time the next day getting ready. She had a manicure, pedicure and her hair done. Three hours later, she returned to the hospital to find Mackenzie propped up and playing 'go-fish' with Javier while Lanie sat in the corner reading a magazine.

"Mama, you look pretty!"

"Thanks, baby, but just wait 'til you see the dress I found." She emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later wearing an exquisite floor length, black strapless dress with a long slit in the side. It accentuated her slender frame and her long legs and gave just the right hint of sexiness.

"Kate, you look beautiful."

"Thanks, Javier." Kate turned to check on Mackenzie. "How you doing, Baby. Do you want me to stay here with you?"

"No way. I'm feeling better. Go and have fun Mama."

Lanie looked Kate over. "Wow girl, you look incredible."

"Thanks Lanie," Kate glanced at the clock. "They will be here any minute." She leaned over to kiss Mackenzie goodnight. "You get some rest tonight. I don't want to worry about you."

"I'll be fine. I've got you right here in my heart." Mackenzie held up her locket. Kate smiled at the gift, hugging her daughter once more. "Love you, Mama."

"Love you more, Baby."

Lanie tugged on her arm. "Come on Kate, Javier and I will take good care of her. Now I want to meet this Prince Charming." Kate blew a final kiss toward Mackenzie, following Lanie downstairs.

Rick was already waiting in the hospital lobby when they exited the elevator. They both stared at each other, mouths hanging open for a few seconds. Rick recovered first. "You look stunning tonight."

Kate blushed and stammered, "Thanks. You look great too."

Lanie nudged Kate in the back and cleared her throat. Kate turned slightly and presented her friend to Rick. "This is my best friend, Lanie Parish, medical examiner. Lanie, this is Richard Castle, the novelist."

"How do you do, Miss Parish?" Rick bowed slightly giving her a dazzling smile.

Lanie smirked. "Charming..."

Rick smiled and turned back to Kate, offering her a single, red rose. He presented his elbow to her. "Shall we, my lady?"

"And funny," Lanie smirked. Kate took the flower and turned to hug Lanie goodbye before taking his arm and walking to the waiting limo. The door was held open for them. She bent down to see two kids yelling excitedly and beaming at her, while one annoyed business partner rolled her eyes and sipped her champagne. Rick offered her his hand and helped her into the car. She settled between Aiden and Alexis, with Paula beside Rick.

"Wow, don't you two look fabulous?" Kate wrapped her arm around Alexis.

"Kate, will you help me learn to do make-up like yours?" Alexis asked.

"Maybe when you're a little bit older," Kate smiled. "Besides I think you look beautiful tonight."

Alexis giggled and leaned in to whisper, "Not as good as you. Daddy can't take his eyes off of you."

Kate glanced over at Rick, who quickly averted his gaze. She winked at Alexis. "Perhaps I could show you a trick or two, if it's okay with your father."

Rick couldn't resist the hopeful look on both of their faces. "I suppose it would be all right just for tonight, but don't get carried away."

Alexis squealed in delight and Kate pulled open her bag. As they moved toward the theater, Kate removed Alexis's headband, and sprayed her hair away from her face. With a little blush and lip-gloss, she'd transformed a little girl into a young lady.

Aiden leaned in to whisper to his dad. "Now why don't you find a sitter like Kate, Dad? She's fun, loving, and isn't bad looking either."

Rick turned a shocked look at his son and gave him a warning, "Aiden." After a moment, Rick whispered back, "Because the agency only sends frumpy, old, boring ones." Rick glanced back over at Kate and found her looking at them. She gave him a sexy wink, letting him know she'd heard their conversation. Rick flushed from embarrassment and turned to look out the window, as Aiden winked back at Kate.

The limo pulled to a stop in front of the bulding. As the driver walked around to open the door, Rick reassured his family. "The lights and cameras can be a little intimidating. Just smile and act as natural as possible. Paula and I will handle the reporters"

"Don't worry, Dad. I remember how to behave. I'll help Alexis." Rick regarded his son a moment, surprised and proud of his confidence. He smiled back and stepped out into the chaos of flashing bulbs and screaming reporters.

Kate felt Alexis stiffen next to her. She looked terrified. "Alexis, honey, just hold my hand and practice some of the relaxation techniques Dr. Burke taught you." Alexis visibly thawed at Kate's words, but maintained a death grip on her hand.

Paula muttered, "Oh, please" before exiting the limo after Rick.

Aiden followed, with Alexis and Kate emerging last. Rick offered Kate his arm again, and she found herself gripping Alexis's hand almost as tightly as they made their way down the carpeted walkway. When the last group of reporters stopped them, Aiden offered Kate his arm and they continued into the building, while Paula and Rick fielded questions from the press.

Once inside, Kate and Alexis simultaneously let out a huge sighs of relief. They smiled at each other and started to relax. "Wow, that **was** scary!"

Aiden pulled Kate over to the bar for a drink and once they'd found a seat, they started looking around the room.

"Look at all these people." Kate's eyes kept jumping from group to group, the kids smiling at her exuberance.

"Are you having fun?" Rick's voice crooned low in her ear, causing her heart to start racing for entirely different reasons. That man's voice was just too sexy for words!

She turned to him and gave him a dazzling smile. "Absolutely."

Paula approached, rolling her eyes. "I hate to break up this," she waved her hand dismissively, "Whatever this is, but we need to start." She tugged on Rick's sleeve as he extricated himself from Kate's presence. "Come on, Richard. We need to go NOW."

He turned to his children before leaving. "Duty calls. I'll join you again before I have to read an excerpt from the book."

Kate turned to the kids and began engaging them in random conversations. It was different to be able to talk with them outside of the hospital. Some time later, Rick slipped in between Aiden and Kate. Rick restlessly wiped his hands against his pant legs, then rubbed his stomach.

Kate leaned in to whisper, "What's wrong?"

"I just hate this part, waiting to read what I wrote and seeing how they react."

Kate reached into her bag and pulled out a package of Tums. She handed him one and tucked the other back into her bag. "Don't worry about what they think, your story is great."

Rick popped the Tums into his mouth with a grin, just as Paula called his name. Walking on stage he glanced around the room at potential readers and prayed he made it through this reading in one piece. Twenty minutes later, Rick's voice echoed in the room as he finished reading the last paragraph. The crowd applauded him and began making their way towards the stage for questions, pictures, and autographs.

Kate had loved the party but by the end of the night, Alexis was resting her head against Kate's shoulder. Rick looked over and smiled at her as he made his way across the room. He took her hand and gave it a squeeze. Although it was a small gesture, Kate thought her heart would explode. Just being this close to him made Kate feel excited and nervous.

She watched him from the corner of her eye. She had thought a lot about Rick and his family this week. Her attraction to him was undeniable, what was there not to like? He's kind, generous, and don't forget ruggedly handsome! She could go on all night. Kate sighed and shook her head at her own thoughts.

The clincher was, that although technically available, Richard Castle was still married in his heart. It was an endearing quality, but it convinced Kate to keep her distance. She had vowed never to be hurt by a man after Will, and she never wanted to compete with another woman. Besides, he'd never given any indication that he wanted anything more than a friend.

_All right_, she concluded, _we'll just be friends._

_It's the right thing to do._

_It's logical._

_It's safe._

Kate sighed. Who knew logic and safety could feel so awful?

After the party, Rick took Kate and the children out for dessert. Once the family inside the small ice cream shop, Rick started pacing. After a couple of rounds around the make shift lobby, Rick caught Kate's look of amusement and smiled.

Just then, he tripped over a chair leg and tumbled into a waiter, sending the tray of drinks into the air. Appalled at his own clumsiness and the giggles coming from his children, he watched as Kate suppressed a smile as she stepped next to him and extended her hand.

"See, pacing is hazardous," she chided, helping him to his feet.

Rick tried to wipe the splattered liquid from his trousers. Embarrassed, he placed his hands on his hips. "It's not the pacing. It's the distraction during the pacing."

Her hands froze while straightening his jacket lapel, leaving her hands on his chest. She peered up at him, seeing his smile leak through as he tried to hold an indignant pose. _Flirting? From him? _She gave him a coy look and asked, "You think I'm a distraction?"

Her sultry voice and comment started his heart pounding madly. He realized that his nervous feeling had been completely replaced by a pleasant, warm sensation in his gut. He leaned in toward her slightly, her smell and proximity making him a little dizzy. It felt good, too good. He shouldn't flirt with her, but he just couldn't resist. He lowered his voice to a gentle rumble and replied, "Definitely very dangerous..."

He looked into her eyes. He watched as her confident smile faltered. She licked her lips and swallowed nervously. Her eyes drifted to his mouth, and then slowly back to his eyes. He had that irresistible urge to kiss her again, her whole presence beckoning to him. The adrenaline coursed through him as they leaned towards each other.

"Hey, Dad! Our table is ready!"

Aiden's excited yell brought them both back to reality. Rick ducked his head and cleared his throat as Kate jumped back a little, removing her hands from his jacket. Before he could walk away, she placed her hand on his upper arm and gently squeezed. All Kate had to do was remember the man sitting across from her was supposed to be her friend and nothing more. That was easier said than done. After dessert had been finished they lapsed into easier conversation and before long the wait staff was informing them the shop would be closing soon.

"Sorry that took so long..." Rick began by apologizing, but stopped when he noticed the smile on Kate's face as she sat stroking his daughter's hair.

"Don't worry, Castle. I was having a good time."

"Are you holding that poor woman against her will?" Martha's voice rang out on once they exited the shoppe.

"Mother, what are you doing here?"

"It's after midnight Richard. You were supposed to be home hours ago so I came looking for you. It wasn't all that hard to find you darling. After all, this is your favorite shoppe in the city," Martha smirked as she approached them. "And you still haven't answered my question. Are you holding Kate here against her will?" Rick's eyes widened as he spun to look at Kate. "If you want, I'll take the children home so you can escort Kate back to the hospital."

Rick glared at his mother for a moment, not sure whether he should be angry at her or hug her for intervening. Rick decided to hug her later and walked his children to the waiting limo before hailing a cab. "That would be wonderful. Thank you Mother."


	8. Chapter 8

Rick and Kate climbed into the cab and he gave the driver the hospital name. He sat back and his left arm and leg brushed up against her body. Acutely aware of her proximity and his attraction to her, he looked down and allowed his eyes to slide over the generous amount of leg peeking out through the slit in her gown. He immediately felt the same adrenaline rush travel through his body. It suddenly became unbearably warm in the cab.

"I had a really wonderful time tonight, Rick. Thanks for having me."

He lifted his eyes to hers and had to swallowed twice before he could answer. She had no idea how much he'd love to 'have' her. Shaking his head slightly to rid it of the thought, he replied, "I should thank you. My children love to spend time with you."

She grinned mischievously and looked at him sideways from under her lashes. "Just your children?"

He cleared his throat and decided to answer honestly. "Actually, no. I'm disappointed our evening has to end so soon."

Kate grinned widely at him. "I was hoping you would say that."

She leaned forward and gave the cabbie new directions, then settled back into her seat. Rick looked at her expectantly. Kate just grinned smugly and turned to face the window. Rick didn't let her divert his attention. "Where are you taking us?"

"It's a surprise." Rick frowned and Kate started to giggle, relenting at his pout. "I haven't been out in months and there's a small carnival in Central Park. I'd really like to see it, but Mackenzie has been too sick. Can we go?"

Rick smiled at her plea – she looked just like a little girl. He should have expected something like this. He looked into Kate's eyes and saw the same excitement that Mackenzie displayed when relating the stories about her birthday. "Anything you want."

She grabbed his hand and smiled with glee. "Oh, I can't wait."

Shortly after arriving, they walked around checking out the attractions, eating cotton candy and playing games. Kate talked him into riding the merry-go-round and then they tried the fun house, which had them doubled over and holding their sides with laughter. They sat down near closing time to eat a hot dog, when Rick voiced his discomfort with the stares from the other patrons.

"Not too many people come to the carnival in black tie, do they?" Rick shifted in uncomfortably. Kate just tossed their trash and grabbed his hand, pulling him to his feet.

"Let's go somewhere they can't stare at us." She dragged him along until they reached the Ferris wheel, just as the attendant was about to close the gate.

"Alright folks, last ride for tonight." Rick led them to a seat but didn't say anything, just enjoyed her delight as their chair lurched backward when the gears spun into action. Rick had to smile himself when the bottom dropped out of his stomach as the wheel turned pulling them high into the air. The seat stopped with a clang and jerked them forward, causing them to swing back and forth. Kate grabbed Rick's arm and the handrail, making him chuckle.

"Nervous? I didn't think anything could scare you," he mused.

"You'd be surprised…" She eyed him to indicate that he was the source of her fear. She decided to change the subject. "I just love the city at night. It's amazing to think all the people that are here. Each from a different path, yet they are all yearning for the same thing."

They talked a minute about the party and how he liked writing as a career. Rick grew quiet and saw Kate shiver slightly. "Kate, you're freezing!" He gallantly removed his jacket and placed it around her shoulders, leaving his arm around her.

"Thanks, I didn't think there would be a cool wind up here." She took a deep breath of the night air, but ended up smelling Rick instead. What was that scent? She leaned into his body and rested her head on his shoulder. "Mmmm…."

Her satisfied hum had a distinctly physical effect on him, and he shifted in his seat. There was no use denying his attraction, but the feeling still threatened him. Even if his mind and body said it was okay to move on, his heart still felt like it was cheating. He decided to stall by talking. He was intensely curious about her past, especially about Mackenzie's father, so he decided to chance it.

"Kate, may I ask you a personal question?"

She tipped her head up to look at his face. "Anything." Rick turned slightly to face her.

"What happened to Mackenzie's father?" He felt Kate tense under his arm and her eyes flashed.

"He's not in the picture." He lowered his eyes and blushed, turning back to regard the cityscape. Kate watched his reaction and sighed. Maybe it was time to share her own grief. She leaned forward, resting her forearms across the safety bar. "Will and I had known each other for a few weeks before we started dating. He was a cop so his schedule was always varying but it didn't bother me at all. We were together for six months when he got a job offer to join the FBI in Boston. He accepted saying I could just relocate with him but I knew how it would go. First it would be Boston, and then Phoenix, then Cleveland. New York is my home. I couldn't just leave.

"My roots are here. It's where I always imagined the whole white, picket fence dream – a loving husband, a couple of kids," She turned her sad eyes toward Rick, smiling wistfully. "That didn't stop him from leaving though. I came home one day and all of his belongings were gone."

Rick watched her relate the story. The profound sadness that replaced her usual cheerful brashness pulled at his heart. Her voice hardened slightly as she continued. "After about a month, I woke early with the flu. I managed to get myself to the bathroom thinking it was just brought on by stress which weakened my immune system. I tried taking care of myself for almost a week but I couldn't keep anything down."

Rick felt sick at the revealed rejection, his surprise morphing quickly into a simmering rage. He suddenly wanted to throttle the idiot that had hurt her so deeply. The intensity of his feelings took him by surprise.

When he saw a tear escape her eye and trail slowly down her cheek, he tried to comfort her by stroking her back lightly. "I'm so sorry", he said. "What about your family?" Rick asked quietly.

"I don't have one. My mother died a few years ago and my father," Kate leaned against the railing watching the people below. "Well, we don't really speak with each other."

Rick leaned forward to join her, piecing together the timeline. "It wasn't the flu you had that day, was it?"

Kate shook her head. "A trip to the doctor revealed that I was pregnant with Mackenzie."

"Did he ever find out about her?"

Kate shook her head. "I never saw him again."

Rick regarded her silently. Like him, she'd experienced her share of heartache. That must be why she could understand their pain so well, but she hadn't let that interfere with her daughter. His respect for her grew exponentially. "You've done a beautiful job raising her on your own."

She smiled at the compliment. "Thanks, but I've had lots of help – Lanie and the boys have all been wonderful." She smiled wistfully thinking of the people in her life now."It's been hard on Mackenzie not to have a dad though. She's been asking for one since she was 2. When she was old enough, she and Lanie ganged up on me about going out and dating. I've tried, but only seemed to attract real nut cases." Rick squirmed, wondering if he fell into the 'nut case' category. Kate didn't notice.

"I gave it up when Mackenzie got sick again. I didn't have time, what with working and her treatments and taking classes. I didn't really miss dating; I found a great outlet for my love." She looked intensely at him. "Kids love unconditionally, they don't know how to lie about it or hide their feelings."

Rick reached around her and pulled her close, kissing her lightly on the side of her head. "Well, I guess some of us learn **that** only when life knocks us on our backsides."

Kate laughed ironically, "Yeah, one swift kick in the ass and we're all messed up."

"I don't think you're messed up. I think you are a very loving individual and I'm happy that we met you." She smiled at him, a little of her usual sparkle returning to her eyes. Rick decided to brave his other question, the one that he both hoped for and dreaded. "Have you thought about whether you'd be interested in becoming my assistant?"

Kate let out a deep breath tipped her head back to look at the stars before answering. "A lot; almost constantly tonight. I really love your kids, but I don't think I can afford it."

Rick considered her words, and unwilling to give up just yet, he asked, "What if I paid your hospital bill, would you reconsider?"

Kate sat rigidly and punched her index finger into his chest. Her eyes flashed in anger. "Richard Castle, I wasn't talking about the money. I was talking about time with my daughter! Of all the arrogant, self-centered, egotistical things… how dare you try to 'buy' me!"

Rick leaned away from her, putting his hands up in front of him in the air in obvious embarrassment. "I didn't mean to imply that you were for sale. I just thought you couldn't help me due to your arrangement with Dr. Davidson."

Kate softened a little, but still squinted suspiciously up into his face. She tapped his chest again. "And how exactly do you know about my deal with Josh?"

Rick's face deepened another shade. "Well, besides overhearing Dr. Davidson mention it in the emergency room, I…um…well when you started spending time with my children, I...I had you investigated."

He saw her mouth drop and her eyes widen in surprise, so he rushed on to avoid any other misunderstandings. "I hope you understand, my children are very important to me and I didn't want to leave their care to just anyone."

Kate's anger melted away. She leaned back away from him as she considered his comments. "So you know how much I owe and you'd still be willing to pay it to get my help?"

Rick cleared his throat and tugged at his bow tie. "Like I said, my children are very important to me." Kate regarded him in silence for a minute. Her intense scrutiny made him feel uncomfortable, so he looked away and bushed some nonexistent lint from his pants. "So you think that taking care of my kids would take too much time away from Mackenzie?"

"Well, it's not like Soho is just around the corner from my place. I don't see how I can get Mackenzie ready for school or to and from the cancer center traveling across town several times a day."

Now it was Rick's turn to look surprised. "Kate, I thought you understood that I'd expect you and Mackenzie to live with us, since my work often takes me away for unknown periods at a time. We already have a two extra guest rooms; one for you and one for Mackenzie."

Kate's jaw dropped again as she contemplated moving her daughter to Soho. Kate closed her mouth and turned to gaze unfocused out over the tops of the trees, her eyes filling with tears. Rick watched her apprehensively for a moment, thinking he had offended her again. "What if we try it on a temporary basis, say a couple of weeks?"

Kate heard the nervousness in his voice, but she couldn't respond yet. Just as Rick decided to give up, Kate turned to look at Rick and spoke, her voice soft and unbelieving. "What's the catch?"

Rick smiled, relieved. "Just that you continue to lovingly care for my children. So, what do you say?"

Kate didn't hesitate. "Thank you." She threw her arms around his neck, knocking him off balance, making Rick grin at her enthusiasm. He wrapped his arms around her and they continued to hold each other just a bit too long. Kate finally pulled back from his embrace and she gazed into his eyes. Rick could hear his own heart thumping madly as she looked at him. He heard her breath catch as he reached up to cup her face with his hand, wiping a stray tear from her cheek with his thumb. If he didn't kiss her now, he thought he would die.

"Kate..." he stopped speaking and took deep breath before trying again. "Kate...I want to... I...need..." his voice dropped off as he leaned in toward her, looking from her eyes to her mouth. He swallowed before speaking again. "May I kiss you?"

She dropped her head and let out a breathy sigh, "I...I don't think it's a good idea. I know you're still in love with your wife."

Rick nodded slightly, clenching his jaw against the guilt that threatened to overpower him. He knew he would always love Kyra, but these new feelings were too strong to avoid. He needed to do this. "Kate, I don't want to ignore how I feel...about you."

Kate melted a bit at his honesty. "Rick, I know that you're not Will, but I-" She reached up and gently touched his lower lip, his breath tickling her fingertips. "I don't want it to ruin our friendship."

His pulse quickened, her caress igniting an irresistible desire within him. He continued to reach for her until they were mere centimeters away. At least she admitted to being attracted to him. He felt intoxicated by the feel and smell of her breath mingling with his, and he allowed his lips to brush slightly against hers as he replied. "Maybe it won't."

He felt her close the distance between them and move her soft lips delicately against his. It felt astonishing. He felt so alive, as if all his senses were heightened, and her small touch sent him spiraling into sensual awareness. He knew she was holding back, so he threaded his fingers through her hair, appreciating its softness, and pressed her head tighter against his own. He opened his mouth slightly to touch her lips tentatively with his tongue.

That movement broke her restraint. She opened her mouth and moaned pleasurably into his. At the same time, she relaxed her body, falling into his chest. She stretched one arm around to caress his back and pulled the other up, passing her fingernails through his hair to the back of his head.

He closed his own eyes, and deepened their kiss, reaching deeply inside her mouth to brush her tongue with his. She eagerly accepted him in, gently encircling his tongue in her mouth, then responded by pushing her way into his in return. As she pulled back to catch her breath, he caught and sucked her lower lip between his teeth. Then he moved down to bite at her neck. He growled her name before readjusting his mouth on hers. He let his hand trail down her neck and arm and reached into his jacket to pull her body tighter against his own. He breathed in deeply, getting dizzy with the smell of her perfume mixed with her own scent, then bent down to take her mouth hungrily again.

Kate couldn't believe the way he kissed her, so full of passion. She wanted more. She reveled in his raw passion, enjoying the way he fervidly bit at her mouth, and neck, caressing her back. Gradually, the intensity of her feelings for him began to unnerve her until all at once; the pain from Will's rejection came rushing back to her.

Alarmed that she'd lost herself so completely, Kate started to pull back from him just as the Ferris wheel jerked into motion, tipping them and swinging their seat precariously. They both grasped the safety bar and pulled away, breathing heavily as they stared at each other. Neither of them knew what to say. Seeing her concerned look brought Rick back to his senses. He realized that he'd moved too fast with her and regretted it. He wondered how he could reassure her and just decided to be honest.

"That was amazing," he whispered, as he reached to brush a stray lock of hair away from her face.

His compliment and the look on his face calmed Kate. She gave him a flustered smile and fanned her skin with her hand. "You can say that again." They both leaned back in the seat and let out a long breath as they descended toward the ground.


	9. Chapter 9

Kate watched him from the corner of her eye during the ride back to the hospital. She could see his confusion and she assumed he felt scared and guilty about kissing her. She understood. Her feelings for him scared her too. She didn't want a relationship to complicate her life, but she also wasn't expecting to meet someone like him. They got along so well as friends. He continually surprised her. He respected her opinions and seemed genuinely interested in both her and Mackenzie. He even allowed himself to relax and have fun with her. And that kiss! She had expected a shy, little peck of a kiss, not that passionate assault on her senses. She felt her cheeks flush just thinking about it.

However, he had immediately withdrawn, hardly saying two words as they exited the park. She had been right, they should have just left it at 'friends'. She mentally kicked herself for getting carried away. If she worked it right, maybe she could at least salvage that.

Rick was confused, but not over his own feelings. He was worried about her reaction to his advances. He had felt her give in and kiss him with a passion he'd hoped for, but he had also felt her start to pull back. Strangely, her fear of a relationship actually made him more confident of his decision to include her in his life.

He just needed to slow down and earn her trust. He grudgingly admitted to himself that he needed some more time to get used to the idea of loving someone other than Kyra. But his family needed Kate and he suspected that she needed his family as well. He could provide the type of stability that she'd always wanted. And he desperately wanted to be what she wanted. Perhaps a friendly working relationship is just what they both needed. What better way to get to know someone than to live together? If he could just control himself.

They arrived at the hospital and climbed out of the taxi. Rick asked the driver to wait and walked Kate to the door. Kate decided to try one more time to salvage their friendship. "Would you like to come up for some coffee, maybe talk a while?"

Rick met her gaze debating internally. He didn't know if he could keep his hands off her tonight, so he stuck to his resolve to move slowly with her and excused himself. "I'd love to, but I should get back. I don't know how long my mother will last with Aiden."

Kate tried to hide her disappointment. She thought that their kiss had him so rattled that their deal was off and she'd never see him again. "I had a wonderful evening, thank you." Kate stepped in close and kissed him gently on the cheek. She continued in a reassuring tone, "I understand, you know. Your love and devotion to her, it's one of the reasons I value our friendship."

She stepped back and gave him one of her brilliant smiles. "I'm sure you've noticed how much I talk, but I can also listen. If you ever need to talk about her, I'm here." She turned to leave, but Rick caught her wrist and pulled her back into a tight embrace. He buried his face in her hair. "Thank you, Kate, for everything."

He knew she misunderstood his silence and hesitations, but had left the door open for friendship. At least she didn't ask him to stay away. _God, I'm already in love with her, how can I just be friends now?_ He returned the kiss on her cheek and pulled back to look at her seriously.

"Can I have a rain check on that talk? We can talk tomorrow about moving you and Mackenzie in as soon as possible, since I'll be swamped with different things in the next few days."

Kate looked shocked. "You still want me?" At Rick's blush, she modified her speech. "I mean, you still want me to work for you?"

Rick took both of her hands in his, his earnest look piercing her heart. "I meant what I said. I'm willing to do anything for my children. I have not been the best parent since Kyra passed, and I know they've been hurting since. They need you, Kate. We need you."

She looked back with equal intensity. "I can't do this if you view us as a temporary fix. Mackenzie and I both need a sense of permanence. I don't want her to get attached to your family, and then have you move on next month or even a year from now. Do you really feel comfortable with that type of long term commitment?"

"I do." Rick chuckled inwardly at his choice of words. He couldn't believe he was thinking about marriage already. Maybe someday soon, she'd be willing to say them back. "If you are willing to try, even with all the risks, then I am as well." Rick's smile calmed her fears. She squeezed his hands nodding before he ducked into the waiting cab and drove off.

* * *

Mackenzie felt much better the next morning. She spent the next two hours after waking up dragging every tiny detail out of her mother about the party and then the carnival. Kate gave her an abridged version to her delighted squeals. Kate broached the subject of moving in with the Castle family.

"Mackenzie, what do you think about the Castle family?"

"I think they are great! Alexis is fun to play with and Aiden makes me laugh. Their grandma is very nice too."

Kate bit her lip. "And what about Mr. Castle?"

Mackenzie's eyes danced as she smiled. "Mama, Rick is the best! Are you going to marry him?"

Kate blushed at her question, thinking again about their kiss at the carnival. She gave Mackenzie an admonishing look. "Mackenzie, don't start with that. We don't even know each other very well. He's asked me to be his assistant, I'd be like a nanny for Alexis and Aiden and help Rick with other things around his house. What would you think about living there?"

Mackenzie threw her arms around her mother's neck, yelling ecstatically "That would be the absolute best! When do we go?"

Kate smiled at her energy. She hadn't been this lively since she got sick again. Kate reassured her that as soon as the doctors released her, they'd move into the Castle's residence. The ringing phone interrupted their celebration.

"Kate? Is this a good time to talk?" Rick's voice came through the receiver.

"Sure Rick, Mackenzie and I were just talking about last night."

Rick blushed as he thought about the events from last night. She told him that she still had to pack their belongings, which Rick offered to hire someone to take care of that then move them that afternoon. She looked at the clock and realized that she needed to meet with the doctors. She thanked him and gave him the address, then said goodbye.

Kate rushed to her appointment with the doctors about Mackenzie's most recent treatments. Dr. Clarke asked her to come into her office and had her sit down. Fran felt a little apprehensive, but the doctor gave her a heartening smile.

"It's good news, Kate. We just got the most recent test results for Mackenzie, and remission seems to be holding. Congratulations!"

Kate popped up from her seat and gave her a big hug, tears streaming down her face.

"Mackenzie's consolidation treatments went so well that you can take her home. She's got a lot of recuperating to do, but I have confidence in your ability to care for her properly. She can go today, providing that you're careful and return for follow up Maintenance treatments on this schedule." Dr. Clarke handed Kate a document filled with appointment dates. "I also talked with Dr. Davidson this morning. It seems that your hospital bill has been paid and that you are leaving us. On behalf of the staff, parents and patients here, you will be sorely missed."

Kate thanked her and literally floated back to Mackenzie's room. Most of the doctors and nurses took the time to throw an impromptu party to their favorite nurse and patient, then Kate made the rounds to say goodbye to the other children.

As she gathered their belongings and checked Mackenzie out of the hospital, Kate wondered if she was dreaming. Everything was going so well - her daughter's cancer in remission, a new job, and a new home in Soho. She couldn't shake the horrible feeling that something was going to happen to spoil the wonderful changes in her life.

But nothing terrible did happen. Kate and Mackenzie arrived at the Castle residence just as Alexis and Aiden arrived home from school, and the they spent the evening helping them settle into their new rooms.

True to his word, Rick was pulled away multiple days a week at varying times of day. He only had time for brief conversations about his expectations. Kate figured that she'd just have to use her own logic and common sense, and if she didn't agree with one of Rick's rules, she ignored it.

She made herself at home and she and the children all adjusted quickly. Mackenzie seemed very content and happy. Aiden and Alexis went out of their way to spend time with her. Alexis moved her dollhouse into the guest room so they could play together and Martha offered to helped Kate decorate it to look more like a little girl's room.

Aiden really surprised them by doing everything he could to make her laugh - telling jokes, miming, doing magic tricks. One day as he worked on his homework, Kate cornered him about it.

"Hey, Aiden, what are you doing?"

"Hi Kate, I'm working on a project." Kate just looked at him skeptically with her arms crossed in front of her. Aiden held up his hands defensively. "Really, it's for Art class. I'm making a video of me and all my friends doing our best jokes."

"Just for school?" Kate finally winked. "That's great. I wanted to thank you for spending time with Mackenzie and making her laugh."

Aiden shrugged, uncomfortable with the praise. "Well, they say laughter is the best medicine."

By the end of the week, Rick felt exhausted. He returned sometime after midnight to a loft dark and peacefully quiet. He smiled at the thought. He paused at the door to the guest room, Mackenzie's room now, and peeked in to see her. She surprised him by greeting him softly. "Hi Rick."

"Mackenzie, it's very late. You should be sleeping."

"I know, but it's so hard for me to sleep."

Worried, Rick sat down on the edge of her bed and picked up her hand in his. "What's wrong? Are you feeling sick?"

"A little, but I just can't stop thinking about things. I'm so glad to live here, and to go to kindergarten soon, and to not stay in the hospital, and to have a sister and a brother, and just...everything!"

Rick smiled at her reference to his children as her siblings. "I used to read to Aiden when he couldn't sleep. How about a little story?"

Her eyes lit up and a big grin creased her face. "Oh yes, please!"

"Aiden's favorite was about Peter Rabbit. Our story begins once upon a time on a bright, sunny morning. Four young rabbits named Flopsy, Mopsy, Cotton-tail and Peter, lived with their mother in a sandy hole..."

Rick wove the tale and lost himself in the memory of slipping into his son's room to tell it to him many years ago. By the end, Mackenzie fought to keep her drooping eyelids open and tried to stifle a yawn. Rick tucked her in, pulling her blankets up to her chin and started to stand.

"Rick, are you my daddy now?"

The question took him by surprise. He almost answered 'no' immediately, but stopped himself when he looked at her innocent and hopeful face. He sat back down on her bed, taking her hand again.

He thought about how Kate acted like a mother to his kids and was thankful for it. Although they'd only known each other for a few weeks, whenever he looked into the future, he always saw them together. He remembered Kate telling him Mackenzie's wish, so he considered his words carefully, not wanting to give her false hope.

"Well, Mackenzie, I do care for you and I would like you to stay with us for a very long time. In a way, we're like a family, so I don't see any reason not to act like a father to you."

She smiled sleepily, "Good... Rick?"

"Yes Mackenzie?"

"Can I call you Daddy, when it's just us?"

He reached down and caressed her cheek with the back of his knuckles, "It can be our little secret." Rick bent down to kiss the top of her head and she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.

"Goodnight, Daddy" she whispered in his ear.

Rick felt tears spring to his eyes. "Goodnight, sweetie. Go to sleep now"

She obediently closed her eyes with a contented grin and fell asleep as he watched silently from the door.

For the next few months Rick grew accustomed to having Kate in his home. He and Kate developed a somewhat intriguing relationship. One minute, she'd be flirting with him, to which he'd eagerly respond, and the next minute, they'd be bantering. They both cherished their private moments after the children fell asleep. They would often sit together and talk about the children, his frustrations with work, or her hopes for the future. Afterwards, they'd just sit together on the couch, enjoying the warmth and companionship of the other. On occasion, they even exchanged friendly hugs and kisses. However, since that first night at the carnival, she never let it get out of control, and he respected her boundary of friendship.

For Rick, his feelings burned like a coal in the pit of his stomach. Sometimes when they dropped their guard, it would bubble to the surface. They would accidentally touch or share a look and the atmosphere would crackle. Then he would drop his eyes and visibly stamp down his emotions and she would give him an understanding look.

Kate knew she was falling in love with him when she overheard one of his late night visits with Mackenzie. She smiled fondly as she listened to him retell the story of Jemima Puddle-Duck and started to cry when she heard Mackenzie call him 'Daddy'. The next day, she called Lanie after the kids left for school.

"Lanie, I need to talk." Kate confided everything in her friend. "What am I gonna do?"

"About what?"

"I think Mackenzie's getting attached to Rick. She started calling him 'Daddy'."

"So, she calls me 'Aunt Lanie' and we're not exactly sisters," Lanie laughed. "You treat his kids like your own. So how is this any different?"

"He's so sweet with her, I think I'm starting to fall for him."

"What is so wrong with that?

Kate sighed. "I don't want her to get hurt."

"Kate, give the kid a break! She's had a hard time bein' sick and all. If calling him 'Daddy' makes her happy, then let her. It just means that you can't quit, not that you ever would..."


	10. Chapter 10

A week before Halloween, Rick went on a business trip to Washington, DC to meet with a contact for his next book. The day he left, Mackenzie's health took at turn for the worse and Kate checked her back into the hospital. They ran a battery of tests and found that the cancer had returned in Mackenzie's brain and spinal cord. The speed of her relapse took them all by surprise. Kate met with the doctors to discuss her treatment. When they confirmed to her that the high-dose chemotherapy along with stem cell transplantation was her best option, her heart sank. Kate knew they didn't have a compatible donor available.

When Mackenzie had first been diagnosed, Kate asked everyone to get tested for compatibility, but none was found. Hers was the closest, but only as a partial match.

She shook her head in frustration, checking her watch. She knew she needed to call her father, to get him tested for compatibility, but she still felt nervous. _Come on, Katie. It's Mackenzie's life you're messing with here! _So she went to the lobby pay phone and made the call. Kate heard a muffled voice on the other end as she nervously shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

"Katie? Is that you?"

Kate rolled her eyes at her father's slurred words. "Yes Dad. Listen, I got a big favor to ask of you. My daughter, Mackenzie, is really sick. She has Leukemia."

"Louka who?"

"Leukemia - it's cancer. She needs a transplant. I need you to get tested to see if your cells are compatible."

"You need my cell phone?"

Kate closed her eyes and counted to ten in her head. If only her mother were still alive.

"Just do me a favor and meet me at St. Vincent's Cancer Center at 2 today. Come to the lab and let them take a blood sample." Her impatience leaked through in her voice. He didn't answer right away and Kate started to worry that he wouldn't come, so she swallowed her pride and asked again.

"Please Dad, this is really important. It will only take a few minutes and it could save her life"

"Okay Katie, I'll see you at 2."

Kate thanked him and hung up. She dreaded seeing him again, but she would try anything to save her daughter's life. Two o'clock rolled around and Jim Beckett came for the test. He tried to hug Kate, but she kept her distance and just offered him a head nod. This man was a shell of the father she had grown up with.

Together they walked together towards the Lab. Kate stayed with him until the technician finished drawing blood, waiting for the results. Negative. Not even a partial match. She thanked him, called him a cab and they parted ways. She shook her head in frustration, checking her watch. Almost 3. It was already time for Aiden and Alexis to get home from school. She picked up the phone to call Martha.

"Martha Rodgers."

"Hi, Martha? I'm so sorry to bother, but I'll be late to meet the kids when they get home from school. I had to check Mackenzie back into the hospital and...she...um...she..."

Kate's voice broke and the tears rushed to her eyes.

"I can bring the children by in an hour, or is Mackenzie too sick for visitors?"

Kate smiled at Martha's thoughtfulness. "That would be wonderful."

An hour later, the Aiden and Alexis arrived with flowers and laughter. As the children gathered around Mackenzie's bed, Martha and Kate discussed the situation in the hallway. After realizing that anyone could be a donor, Martha left immediately to get tested for compatibility. When she returned, with a negative result, she assured her that Richard would want to get checked as well.

"Have you phoned him yet?"

"No, he has his lecture today. I didn't want to bother him. Besides, I know Alexis's blood type, and no one in the family could be a match. I'm afraid, my partial match is the closest we're going to get."

Kate phoned her friends, who came right over to be with her and Mackenzie. Martha offered to watch Aiden and Alexis and took them home when Lanie arrived. Kate sat in the lobby discussing the options when Dr. Clarke arrived and invited them into her office.

"Kate, I need to be honest with you. Given Mackenzie's violent allergic reaction to the majority of chemotherapy drugs, I cannot recommend their use, and the chance of success using your stem cells is minimal." She looked seriously at Kate. "If she doesn't tolerate the transplant, Mackenzie will have even less time, and will probably spend it in a great deal of pain."

Kate's heart sank. She would do anything to save her baby, but didn't want to shorten her life or hurt her. Lanie took Kate's hand and held it tightly. Turning to the doctor, she asked, "So what are the chances of success?"

Dr. Clarke smiled sadly and responded, "15% maybe. If you decide to proceed, we will do the best we can to minimize the negative impact on her body." The doctor's smile faded. "Kate, no matter what you decide, you need to consider end-of-life care."

Kate wanted to protest, to yell and scream at the doctor to not give up, but she just sat there, unable to respond. She heard Lanie ask a couple more questions and take some pamphlets from her, but didn't really comprehend what they were saying. Something inside her convinced her to listen. She knew the doctor spoke the truth and she'd seen enough of the cancer center's pediatric patients to know what to do. She nodded and couldn't hold back the tears any longer. She began to sob and the doctor reached across her desk to hold her other hand.

"Kate, give us a couple of days to check for any new donors and research other options for her. If no match can be found and you decide not to proceed with the partial match transplant, you can take her home at that time."

Kate split the next two days between the Castle family and the hospital, always making sure that her or Lanie could be with Mackenzie when she left for the loft. She tried to keep a cheerful face on for Aiden and Alexis, but inside she felt like going crazy with frustration and anger.

She had just helped Aiden and Alexis start their homework when the phone rang. She knew it was for her and she knew it was bad news from the hospital. She stood still, waiting with a sense of dread as Martha handed her the phone. Dr. Davidson called personally with the bad news.

"I'm so sorry, Kate. We couldn't find any other donors and we already know Mackenzie wouldn't survive the necessary high-dose chemotherapy and radiation due to her allergies."

She dropped her head and sighed, "So, what can we expect now?"

"At five years old, she's too young to understand death as a permanent thing. Just let her know how much everyone loves her and the positive impact she's had on everyone around her. She'll need to say goodbye."

Kate took a shaky breath. "That's it?"

"No. Also, kids this age don't necessarily voice their concerns or fears, but she will have them. Try to be sensitive to that."

"And...how much time do we have left?"

Dr. Davidson sighed, "A few weeks, maybe a month. Do you want her to stay here, or care for her at home?"

Kate struggled to answer. She successfully held back her tears long enough to say she'd talk to Mackenzie about it and said goodbye. She dropped her head as the handset slipped from her fingers.

When she turned around, Martha opened her arms to comfort her. She fell into them and she cried until she didn't have any tears left. An hour later, she went to the hospital. She talked with Mackenzie for a long time about what was happening. Mackenzie seemed to understand what they explained and was determined about spending her remaining time with the Castle family. Kate met with the Dr. Davidson and the hospice nurse about her pain medication and final visits, then took Mackenzie home.


	11. Chapter 11

Rick arrived home a day early from his meetings in DC. He shed his coat and set his case down in the entrance hall. It had turned cold out over the last few days. He loved it. Autumn had always been his favorite season with its warm, sunny days and crisp, cool nights.

He smiled as he walked through the living room, thinking that the display of colors now hanging in the trees of Central Park would soon be gone, the last of the leaves falling in preparation for the first snows of winter. Mackenzie would love it. Perhaps he could suggest to Kate they go to the park before all the leaves dropped.

Tomorrow was Alexis's ballet recital and he wanted to surprise her by attending. He smiled and chuckled to himself at her imagined response. He caught the last train back to New York, so he didn't walk through the door until close to midnight. He wasn't tired yet, so he decided to head to the kitchen to retrieve a cup of coffee and paused mid-step. Kate was standing with her back to him, staring absently toward the stove as she stirred a cup of hot cocoa.

She had pulled her hair back loosely into a ponytail and wore only a big blue t-shirt that hardly covered her backside. Rick let his eyes slowly travel down her body to her fuzzy slippers, lingering for a while on her legs. He watched as she reached across the island to drop her spoon into the sink, exposing her sexy, black lace underwear.

Rick almost groaned at the hot desire that coursed through his body. He closed his eyes and listened to his pulse pound loudly in his own ears. He concentrated on steadying his breathing while he tried to get his libido under control, then approached her from behind while she sipped her drink.

He stopped just behind her and took a long, slow breath, inhaling her heady scent. God, she smelled wonderful. He wanted her and not just her body, although he'd been having his fair share of dreams and fantasies about that.

No, he couldn't stop thinking about her - her intelligence, her sense of humor, her caring ministrations, and her passion for life. It took every ounce of resolve he had to get any work done, to concentrate enough to make his speech today without falling into a dreamy trance thinking of her. Now, with her standing mere inches away from him, he wanted to give into his fantasy of wrapping his arms around her waist, nuzzling her neck as he whispered his love.

Of course, in his mind, she'd respond, returning his advances with vigor, kissing him passionately until they could hardly stand up. The shirt would have to go. He'd pull it slowly from her body and... and...

He sighed as his shoulders drooped. And nothing. It would ruin the trusting friendship that had developed between them. He mentally chastised himself for getting so carried away.

Lost in thought, Kate still hadn't noticed he'd entered the room. He watched her lower her cup to the counter, then leaned in, speaking soft and low just behind her.

"Can't you sleep?"

She jumped and turned around, raising her arms protectively. She gasped about the same time her right hand connected with his jaw, sending him stumbling back.

"Rick! Are you okay?" She reached toward him with one hand, while the other covered her own racing heart.

"Ow," he muttered as he cradled his face with his own hand, feeling the sore spot on his chin.

"Oh, I'll get some ice for that." She reached for a towel from the counter and filled it with a few ice cubes from the freezer, as he sat down heavily at the kitchen table. She bent over to press it gently to his face.

He closed his eyes and sighed in relief. "Thanks. Now I know you can defend yourself."

"You never sneak up on a woman in the middle of the night."

He opened his eyes, looking askance at her. "I'll try to remember that," he stated wryly.

She moved to his side and sat down next to him, crossing her legs. When she noticed him staring at her legs, she tugged her nightshirt down a fraction. She looked apologetically at him.

"Sorry, I wasn't expecting you home until tomorrow afternoon. Is everything all right?"

He jerked his eyes away from another fantasy and cleared his throat. "Yes, just fine. We finished a little early. I didn't want to miss Alexis's recital, so I caught the last train tonight." She squinted her eyes at him, trying to figure him out.

"Rick, her recital isn't until 7 PM. You would have made it without rushing home in the middle of the night."

He caught her eye then and tried to convey his feelings with a look. That same tension that accompanied his unbridled feeling sizzled in the room between them. Kate saw the longing in his look and felt her pulse start to race, flushing her cheeks. Rick set the ice pack down on the table and reached for her hand, entwining her fingers with his own.

"I know. I just couldn't wait. I...um...well, to be honest, I...missed you."

He looked intensely into her eyes, trying to gauge her reaction to his words. Many emotions seemed to pass across her face in a brief moment. She was surprised, but then she smiled, a look of pure love. He stared at her, wishing he could freeze time and enjoy that look forever. Eventually, her smile weakened as the look in her eye morphed into desire, fanning his cravings into a huge, roaring flame.

He kept eye contact as he leaned in to kiss her, but stopped at the sadness that suddenly appeared on her face. Confused, he sat back. What happened?

Kate dropped her eyes to her hands to hide the tears threatening to overpower her. Abruptly, she stood and moved to retrieve her mug from the counter.

Confused, he got up to follow her. Rick stopped just behind her and couldn't resist sliding his arms around her waist and hugging her from behind.

"Kate, what's wrong?" His comforting gesture allowed a single sob to escape before she reigned in her emotions. She just shook her head, unable to speak. "Are the children all right?"

She nodded her head. She knew she should tell him about Mackenzie, but she didn't have the heart to say the words out loud to him, not tonight. "You know you can talk to me anytime you're ready?"

Kate just nodded. He tightened his arms protectively around her and buried his face in her hair. It felt so good to hold her like this; comforting her as he'd wanted to since that first night in the hospital. They stood together, unmoving, for a long while.

As the minutes passed, Rick realized that he needed to move away from her soon or he wouldn't be able to control himself. He started to pull his hands back, but Kate grabbed his arms tightly, unwilling to let him go yet. She rested her head back against his shoulder and closed her eyes, sighing.

At that point, Rick lost the battle against his own imagination, his mind starting to race about the softness of her skin, the curve of her waist or the smell of her hair. By tipping her head, his nose now rested just against her neck behind her ear and he could smell her subtle perfume every time he took a breath.

He couldn't resist. Pulling his body away slightly, he slid his hands back to rest on her hips and started placing a series of soft kisses on her neck. Kate felt her mouth dry as a heat erupted within her at the soft feel of his lips on her skin. When she could speak, she tried to distract him.

"Um...you must be exhausted. Can I...can I get you anything? Coffee or co..cocoa?" His hands tightened on her waist, pulling himself closer to her back, he nuzzled her neck before answering.

"I don't want anything." He left a trail of butterfly kisses around the shell of her ear. He let out a sigh. "Except you."

With that, she felt his mouth, hot and moist against her neck, below her ear. She immediately felt the scorching heat pass through her whole body as he suckled her neck. Both his hands and his mouth began to descend and she closed her eyes against the sensations.

After the emotional day she'd had, she couldn't resist him. She gasped at the feeling of his body pressing into her from behind. No one she'd ever known had excited her this way, his touch gentle and stimulating. His passion for her made her feel incredibly sexy and beautiful. When his hands reached her bare thighs, a husky moan escaped her lips.

She turned within his embrace and took his mouth, grabbing his head with both hands. He met her aggressive kiss and pulled her body tightly against his. Rick lost himself when she moaned his name. He felt desperation from her, her kisses increasing in intensity and pace until they both gasped for air. Rick started to bite at her chin and jaw as he moved back the sensitive spot on her neck that always drove her crazy.

When she started running her hands down his sides to his backside and moving her body against him, he knew he had to slow things down. Oh, but it felt good!

"Um, Kate? I...ah...oohhh, I need...to...mmmpphh..." Rick drew back enough to look into her eyes. He pulled his hands up to hold her face and reigned in his breathing. He needed to tell her, even if she didn't feel the same. "Kate, wait. Since we met, you've brought happiness, laughter and love back into my life, into all of our lives. I need you to know how much I love you."

She closed her eyes as new tears formed there. Even as her life started to fall apart, something as wonderful as this could happen. She reached up to run her fingers along the stubble on his cheek as the thoughts flew furiously through her mind. _Tell him! _one voice urged. _I can't!_ another sadly wailed. She looked into his eyes and desperately tried to form the words. Nothing came. Finally, she gave up and attacked his mouth again.

She wanted to feel him touch her everywhere, as the force of their kisses increased. She felt him run his hands down her sides to her thighs, then brush his fingertips in small circles up underneath her shirt to caress her bare back. She couldn't believe the abandon he had with her.

Deep down, Rick knew that he shouldn't let this happen tonight. Something had happened while he was gone and he didn't want to take advantage of her in an emotional state.

Just then, the stair light flicked on and they heard footsteps coming down towards the kitchen. Kate drew back as Rick pulled his hands down and straightened her nightshirt. He gave her a regretful and bashful grin.

As he started to move away, she reached up to rest her hand against his jaw and placed a sweet kiss on the other cheek. He smiled. Although she couldn't tell him her feelings, he knew she cared for him too.

She lowered her hand just as Martha stepped down into the kitchen.

"Oh, Richard, you're home."

Martha took in the proximity of her son to Kate, as well as his mussed hair and her flushed face, and wanted to kick herself for her poor timing. At the same time, she mentally did a happy dance for the developing romance. They needed each other, now more than ever.

"Good evening, Mother." Noticing the smug grin on his mother's face, he stammered, "I got home little while ago and was just on my way to bed."

_I bet you were_, Martha thought with glee. _And not alone_…

As if he could hear her thoughts, Rick blushed, cleared his throat and turned to Kate. "Thanks for the talk, Kate. Maybe we can finish our discussion in the morning?"

He gave her hand a little squeeze and left. Kate watched him go then turned to look at Martha who couldn't help but smile openly now. "You were having a 'discussion'?"

Kate nonchalantly picked up her cold cocoa and took it to the sink. "What do you mean? We often talk together after the kids have gone to bed."

Martha looked at her skeptically. "He didn't get that lipstick kissing the cab driver goodnight kiddo." Martha got a serious look on her face, and Kate knew what was coming. The smile vanished from her face as she sighed sadly, answering his next question before he could ask it.

"No, I couldn't tell him tonight. I'll break it to him tomorrow."

She gave her a hug and watched her retreat up the stairs before getting a snack and turning in for the night.


	12. Chapter 12

Rick awoke feeling particularly happy. He heard Kate knocking on Aiden's door to ensure he was up before helping Alexis and Mackenzie get ready for school. He hummed to himself as he jumped into the shower.

Kate helped Alexis with her hair, returning to carry Mackenzie down to the breakfast table. Kate couldn't sleep at all last night, and barely had the energy to get out of bed. Just as she set Mackenzie down and arranged a blanket over her legs, Aiden and Alexis arrived for breakfast.

"Good morning everyone" Martha called as Kate entered from the kitchen with the food. Martha turned to Alexis after the room quieted a little. "Alexis, how are you feeling this morning? Are you ready for dance recital tonight?"

She flashed a brilliant smile and answered enthusiastically, "Great, and yes. Except, I have a funny feeling in my tummy."

Kate's turned to look at Alexis, her expression changing to concern, but Alexis avoided her question by answering, "It's Okay. I'm just nervous, Kate, it doesn't hurt. And yes, I am doing my exercises."

Kate smiled, "You know me so well. You are going to be great."

Kate heard Mackenzie snicker, then giggle, which usually meant Aiden was up to something. Kate turned to gape at him as he took his seat. "Greetings, humans!"

Aiden had placed a short, silver cape around his shoulders and wore a cone head over his usually perfectly styled hair. They all burst into laughter. Rick paused at the dining room door at the sound that erupted from the other side. He hadn't heard that sound for so long and never with such abandon. He loved it. He pushed through the door with his own greeting. "Good morning!"

"Daddy!" Alexis hopped out of her seat and rushed around the table to throw her arms tightly around his waist. "I didn't know you were back."

He hugged her back and stroked her hair affectionately. "I missed all of you so much plus I didn't want to be late for your recital."

"You're coming?" Alexis's eye sparkled with excitement.

"Of course, Pumpkin."

Alexis squealed delightedly again. Kate smiled at the tender scene. "Alexis, honey, eat your breakfast now or you'll be late for school."

Rick started to lower himself into his chair and stopped midway, staring at his son. This action prompted another wave of laughter and a proud smile from Aiden.

"Greetings, parental unit."

Kate reached over to close his mouth with her fingers. This action thawed his paralysis and he sat down, smirking at his son. "Greetings, young one."

"Fried chicken embryos?" Aiden turned to accept his plate from a grinning Kate, while Alexis made a face.

"Ew, Kate. That makes it sound yucky!"

Rick eyed Aiden warily while another fit of giggles traveled around the table. "I hope you're not planning on wearing that to school, or I'll be hearing from the headmaster."

"I won't, dad. I just wanted to try it on before the Halloween Festival at school tomorrow."

Aiden turned a shy eye to her father. "You know, Dad, parents are invited to come to the gym and participate in the games. Do you want to come?"

Rick had forgotten about the school celebration and had planned on spending the quiet time writing. He turned and looked apologetically at his oldest.

"I'm sorry, Aiden. I'd love to come, but I have writing- OW! I mean, I HAD a writing that needs to be done, but I think I can put it off for another time."

He glared at Kate, rubbing his right ankle where she had not so gently kicked him. His look went unnoticed, as Kate continued to chew her food, smiling at Aiden. Aiden jumped up from his chair to give him a big hug. "Thanks, Dad!"

The meal continued pleasantly as they chatted about their Halloween plans. As she finished eating, Kate checked the clock. "Okay, kids. It's time to finish up or I will leave without you."

Kate eyed Aiden suspiciously as he rose to remove his cape. "Okay, what's going on...Ooohhhhh my God!"

Rick peered around his magazine and stood up quickly, knocking his chair over behind him.

"Aiden Castle! What have you done?"

Aiden had removed his Conehead to reveal his equally smooth scalp beneath it. He glanced nervously from Kate to his father, then to Mackenzie.

Rubbing his hand over his bald head, he asked "Do you like it? I'm thinking Yul Brenner for Halloween, but haven't decided between "The King and I" or "The 10 Commandments." He struck a pose and spoke using the appropriate accent. "So let it be written, so let it be done."

Neither adult in the room said anything, Kate's mouth hung open as Rick's face deepened from red to an interesting shade of purple. Mackenzie broke their spell by giggling softly.

"You look like me. We could be cue balls together."

Kate looked from Aiden to Mackenzie to Rick and realized he was about to blow.

"Mackenzie, honey, we'll be right back."

She herded a still silent and fuming Rick and a grinning Aiden from the dining room into Rick's office before he could explode. And explode he did, at Kate. He rounded on her as she closed the door behind them. "Kate! How the hell could you let him do something as stupid as this?" Kate's mouth dropped into an 'O' of surprise, but he ignored it. He started pacing as he ranted. "I'll admit that your approach at parenting is fresh and interesting at times. I even went along with things I disagreed with to teach the children important lessons, but this!"

He turned back to her and threw his hand in Aiden's direction. "Unorthodox is one thing, but have you lost your mind?!"

Kate stood, stunned at his tirade. Then her demeanor changed from shocked to angry. She thrust her fists to her hips and leaned toward him, eyes narrowing in challenge.

"Why do you assume that I encouraged him? I'm as surprised as you are."

He leaned in toward her as well. "You were in charge! Where were you while he was shaving his head?"

Kate snorted derisively. "And YOU are his father. Where were you?"

Just before Rick could rip into her again, Aiden spoke up.

"Dad, wait! Kate didn't know anything about it. Gram helped me while Kate was busy with the girls."

Rick didn't even look at him. "Stay out of this, Aiden!"

"But if you'd let me explain..."

Rick finally turned his angry gaze at his son. "You are grounded for 3 weeks, or until this..." he flicked his wrist at Aiden's head, "grows back. That means *no* Halloween."

Now he was mad. Aiden realized that his father still didn't want to understand him. He'd put up with it for four years now, since his mom died. But now that he'd experienced Kate's compassion, he wasn't going to just take it anymore. His father was going to at least hear what he had to say. Aiden jumped in between them, throwing his hands up in the air.

"What's the big deal? Its just hair! I wanted to make Mackenzie laugh and to feel comfortable at the recital. Isn't she more important?" Tears sprang to his eyes as Rick looked at him. Before he could respond, Aiden continued in a softer voice, choked with emotion. "Jeez, dad. My hair will look the same by Christmas, but Mackenzie's not going to live until Thanksgiving."

The room grew immediately silent. Rick looked up at Kate's face to see all the color drain from it. She turned slightly and bent down to look Aiden straight in the eye, placing her hands on his shoulders.

"Aiden, who told you that?"

Aiden looked at the floor, unable to meet her gaze. "I overheard you talking to the doctor on the phone last night." He looked up at her, valiantly trying to hold back his tears. "I just want her to know I love her. I wanted to make her happy."

Kate looked at him silently for a moment, then pulled him into a tight hug, speaking softly. "It will be okay, Aiden." She released him and looked at him seriously. "Apologize to your father for yelling at him."

He dropped his head and turned to face his father. "I'm sorry for yelling, Dad. Mackenzie was so sad yesterday because she's losing her hair again. I just wanted to make her feel better."

Rick swallowed visibly. He worked his mouth for a second, before his response finally came out. "It's all right, Son. I understand."

Kate stood and addressed Aiden. "Go get your bag honey. I'll drop you off at school on my way to the hospital with Mackenzie." She eyed his shiny head and smiled mischievously. "And don't forget your hat." Aiden grinned and glanced nervously at his father before exiting the room. Kate didn't leave yet and couldn't turn around to face him.

"Kate, I'm so sorry for my outburst..." he stammered as he reached to touch her shoulder. She allowed it, simply bowing her head. "Kate? What's wrong with Mackenzie? What did the doctor say?"

The concern in his voice almost broke her resolve not to cry. She lifted her head again and straightened her shoulders resolutely, still facing away from him. "The cancer returned to her brain and spinal cord. She needs high-dose chemo and a stem-cell transplant, but no matching donor could be found." She turned around and smiled at him as a single tear trailed down her cheek. "He said we should just cherish her life while we still can."

Rick stood, unable to move or say anything as she turned and left, softly closing the door behind her.

* * *

"Hello! Rick, did you get my message about Gina? She wants you to sign a new contract."

She sat down on the sofa while she spoke, pulling out several files they needed to review before their upcoming meeting. When she didn't receive a response, she looked up to see him staring out the window.

"Rick, didn't you hear me? I said Gina wants to renegotiate your contract." She stood to hand him the file in her hand, waving it practically under his nose until he turned to notice her for the first time. "Huh? Oh, Paula, you're here."

Paula had looked at him strangely. "Of course I'm here. Haven't you been listening to me?""

He took the file from her, but just set it down unopened on the corner of his desk. "I'm sorry Paula. I'm worried about one of the children."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, get that floozy nanny to take care of it and concentrate on what's really important."

Rick stood and practically ran her out of his office, threatening to send her on a permanent vacation if she continued to speak about Kate that way. Paula stormed into the living room after her unpleasant encounter with the author. "What did *I* do?..." she mumbled. She replayed her conversation with Rick over in her mind, but still didn't understand what had set him off.

"And, since when does he call her Kate?" she speculated.

Needing something to soothe her nerves, she wandered into the kitchen in search of a cup of coffee. She saw Martha standing at the sink and emitted an evil chuckle. _My day is already looking up_, she thought, then launched her first attack. Martha' only reaction to her jab and was a throaty laugh. Paula started to feel agitated. _What is going on here today_? She looked closely at her face and tried once more for a response. Perplexed at her unaccustomed silence, she sipped her coffee and watched Martha concentrate on her task.

She would never admit it to anyone, but she admired the woman. It takes a strong woman to be able to raise a child by themselves and an even stronger one with manage a career while doing so. It was why she also like Kate a little too; not that she would ever admit that either.

Setting down her mug, she took a step toward her when she heard Martha sniffle. Martha was crying?She opened her mouth to ridicule her, but something stopped her. A memory. Only one other time in their history had she cried in front of her. That was just after Kyra died.

Entering the kitchen one day a month after the funeral, she'd found Martha leaning against the counter weeping. Uncharacteristically, she had offered comfort and she'd accepted, taking solace from her own pain in return.

"Martha, what is it?"

"Are you still here?"

She ignored the jab and moved next to her and placed her hand lightly on her arm. "Martha?"

With her eyes closed, Martha contemplated what Paula would do with the information if she told her about Mackenzie. She didn't want her to use it against Kate. At length, she looked up at her. In answer, she questioned her abrasively.

"Miss Haas, have you ever lost someone you love?"

Her eyebrows creased with disbelief at the question. Saddened, she answered quietly. "Martha, you already know the answer to that."

She did. She knew better than anyone else. Kyra had been more than just her best friend; she'd been a sister and beloved confidante for over 15 years. Meeting at boarding school and sharing a room in college, they'd been inseparable until graduation when Paula had landed a job with the up-and-coming author, Rick Castle. But even that brief separation didn't last long.

Paula invited Kyra to the first signing she helped Rick with. She proudly introduced her best friend to her handsome boss. Martha smiled at the memory. They fell in love for each other practically on sight.

From the beginning, Paula had an arrogant boldness that propelled her forward in the business world, gaining her a 'dragon-lady' reputation in a very short while. She earned it. Once she decided what she wanted, she held on with a dogged tenacity that frightened normal folks. Paula had been smitten with Rick at the time, but neither he nor Kyra had known it. Only for Kyra would Paula have stepped aside.

She recalled how Kyra's death crushed Paula, cutting her off from the only loving source she'd ever had. She and Rick reacted the same, throwing themselves into work and avoiding all comfort. Paula had become brash and Martha her sworn enemy. Martha reached for a dish towel to wipe his hands, turning towards her.

"Yes, I know, Paula. I know that your heart still aches for her everyday."

The warm, pitying timber in her voice pulled her own grief to the forefront and tears stung her eyes. "It's about Beckett's daughter, isn't it? She's sick again?"

Martha nodded. "The doctor only gave her a few weeks to live."

Paula sighed. "Losing Kyra was so hard. I hate to think what losing a child will do to them. I hope Rick doesn't shut Kate out the way he pushed us away." Martha pulled away and stared at her, obviously floored. "Come on, Martha. I'm not that oblivious. I know they're in love."

"You're not angry? I thought you loved him?"

Paula stepped back to retrieve her briefcase from the counter and started for the door. "Of course I love him. He was the husband of my best friend and my business partner. But I'm not in love with him."


	13. Chapter 13

"Hello! Rick, did you get my message about Gina? She wants you to sign a new contract."

She sat down on the sofa while she spoke, pulling out several files they needed to review before their upcoming meeting. When she didn't receive a response, she looked up to see him staring out the window.

"Rick, didn't you hear me? I said Gina wants to renegotiate your contract." She stood to hand him the file in her hand, waving it practically under his nose until he turned to notice her for the first time. "Huh? Oh, Paula, you're here."

Paula had looked at him strangely. "Of course I'm here. Haven't you been listening to me?""

He took the file from her, but just set it down unopened on the corner of his desk. "I'm sorry Paula. I'm worried about one of the children."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, get that floozy nanny to take care of it and concentrate on what's really important."

Rick stood and practically ran her out of his office, threatening to send her on a permanent vacation if she continued to speak about Kate that way. Paula stormed into the living room after her unpleasant encounter with the author. "What did *I* do?..." she mumbled. She replayed her conversation with Rick over in her mind, but still didn't understand what had set him off.

"And, since when does he call her Kate?" she speculated.

Needing something to soothe her nerves, she wandered into the kitchen in search of a cup of coffee. She saw Martha standing at the sink and emitted an evil chuckle. _My day is already looking up_, she thought, then launched her first attack. Martha' only reaction to her jab and was a throaty laugh. Paula started to feel agitated. _What is going on here today_? She looked closely at her face and tried once more for a response. Perplexed at her unaccustomed silence, she sipped her coffee and watched Martha concentrate on her task.

She would never admit it to anyone, but she admired the woman. It takes a strong woman to be able to raise a child by themselves and an even stronger one with manage a career while doing so. It was why she also like Kate a little too; not that she would ever admit that either.

Setting down her mug, she took a step toward her when she heard Martha sniffle. Martha was crying?She opened her mouth to ridicule her, but something stopped her. A memory. Only one other time in their history had she cried in front of her. That was just after Kyra died.

Entering the kitchen one day a month after the funeral, she'd found Martha leaning against the counter weeping. Uncharacteristically, she had offered comfort and she'd accepted, taking solace from her own pain in return.

"Martha, what is it?"

"Are you still here?"

She ignored the jab and moved next to her and placed her hand lightly on her arm. "Martha?"

With her eyes closed, Martha contemplated what Paula would do with the information if she told her about Mackenzie. She didn't want her to use it against Kate. At length, she looked up at her. In answer, she questioned her abrasively.

"Miss Haas, have you ever lost someone you love?"

Her eyebrows creased with disbelief at the question. Saddened, she answered quietly. "Martha, you already know the answer to that."

She did. She knew better than anyone else. Kyra had been more than just her best friend; she'd been a sister and beloved confidante for over 15 years. Meeting at boarding school and sharing a room in college, they'd been inseparable until graduation when Paula had landed a job with the up-and-coming author, Rick Castle. But even that brief separation didn't last long.

Paula invited Kyra to the first signing she helped Rick with. She proudly introduced her best friend to her handsome boss. Martha smiled at the memory. They fell in love for each other practically on sight.

From the beginning, Paula had an arrogant boldness that propelled her forward in the business world, gaining her a 'dragon-lady' reputation in a very short while. She earned it. Once she decided what she wanted, she held on with a dogged tenacity that frightened normal folks. Paula had been smitten with Rick at the time, but neither he nor Kyra had known it. Only for Kyra would Paula have stepped aside.

She recalled how Kyra's death crushed Paula, cutting her off from the only loving source she'd ever had. She and Rick reacted the same, throwing themselves into work and avoiding all comfort. Paula had become brash and Martha her sworn enemy. Martha reached for a dish towel to wipe his hands, turning towards her.

"Yes, I know, Paula. I know that your heart still aches for her everyday."

The warm, pitying timber in her voice pulled her own grief to the forefront and tears stung her eyes. "It's about Beckett's daughter, isn't it? She's sick again?"

Martha nodded. "The doctor only gave her a few weeks to live."

Paula sighed. "Losing Kyra was so hard. I hate to think what losing a child will do to them. I hope Rick doesn't shut Kate out the way he pushed us away." Martha pulled away and stared at her, obviously floored. "Come on, Martha. I'm not that oblivious. I know they're in love."

"You're not angry? I thought you loved him?"

Paula stepped back to retrieve her briefcase from the counter and started for the door. "Of course I love him. He was the husband of my best friend and my business partner. But I'm not in love with him."

* * *

Rick leaned back in his desk chair and stared out the window at the falling leaves while he absently gnawed on the end of his fountain pen. He'd given up on pretending to work after canceling his appointments and sending Paula away. His mind kept racing from Mackenzie, to Kate, to Aiden's words, to Kyra, back to Kate in the kitchen last night, and then back to Mackenzie.

Martha entered the office, moving to lean against the edge of the desk. Rick continued to stare into nothing, methodically drumming his fingers on the desk and chewing on his pen. Martha reached out and plucked it from his fingers.

"If you're hungry, I'll bring you lunch."

Startled out of his reverie, Rick turned to face his mother. "I didn't see you come in."

"So I noticed. Something on your mind?"

Rick looked at his mother. He needed to talk about this or he'd go crazy. "I need your advice, mother." He reached into his desk drawer to retrieve a small black box and showed it to her. Surprised, she opened it and saw an engagement ring inside.

"Oh Richard," Martha said on a sigh.

Rick looked up sardonically at her, who now had tears in her eyes. He couldn't help but tease a little. "You **do** realize that I bought that for Kate, right?"

Martha glared at him, but feeling so jubilant, she couldn't hold the look. "Did you ask her last night?"

Rick shook his head and picked up his pen again. "I'm not sure I can, especially now."

"Why not?"

He indicated that Martha should have a seat. When she was seated, Rick asked tentatively, "Mother, how do you prepare to lose a child?"

Martha put on her 'Rick-gloves' before addressing his question with one of her own. "Kate told you?"

"Aiden, actually." He threw him an accusing look. "Where he learned to listen in on phone conversations, I'll never know."

Martha cleared her throat and continued on. "Do you see her as your own child?"

Rick nodded. "I do. I love her just as much as Aiden or Alexis. I love her exuberance and joyful spirit. I can't imagine our family now without either one of them."

"I think you already know what to do kiddo. If you'd known that Kyra was going to die, what would you have done?"

Rick sat thoughtful for a moment. "I'd tell her I loved her and spend every waking moment trying to prove it. I would try to make her happy, doing whatever she wanted."

"So, what does she want to do? What would make Mackenzie happy?"

Rick knew. After their late night stories, she'd always kiss his cheek and call him 'Daddy'. He already wanted to marry Kate, but he still felt the guilt rise up at the thought. "How can I? How can I break that promise to her?"

Martha saw the agonized look on his face and understood that the promise he spoke of, was his wedding vow to Kyra. Wanting Rick to connect the dots out loud, he forced him to explain.

"I'm sorry, Richard, but you just played several innings inside your head. May I have the instant replay?"

Rick smiled faintly. "Mackenzie already calls me 'Daddy'. Marrying Kate would make that official and permanent." Martha didn't say anything as she watched Rick's eyes glaze over. Sure his mind raced with thoughts of a certain sexy brunette, but she just waited for him to come back to earth. After a moment, Rick shook his head and continued. "I realized a while ago that I'd fallen in love with Kate. I've tried to keep our friendship platonic, but it's driving me crazy. When she's around, I can't concentrate. When she's not around, I can't stop thinking about her.

His eyes refocused on his mother. "I want to be with her, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm being unfaithful to Kyra."

Martha walked over to rest her hand on Rick's shoulder. "Richard, why are you tormenting yourself with this? Even God only requires that promise 'until death do you part'. Kyra would want you to be happy. "

She nodded as she watched Rick consider her words. Rick knew she was right and decided on a plan of action.

"We're both still afraid of the potential pain. What if it doesn't work out between us?"

Martha paused at the door, studying the grown man before her.

"Don't let the fear of loss cheat you out of a life full of joy."

Rick looked up at his mother, raising his eyebrows in wry amusement. "Pearls of wisdom from your life coaching class?"

Martha grinned. "Nope. Fortune cookie."

Rick stood staring at the plain, tan door. Not having been here before, he had obtained the address through unconventional methods. _This must be it,_ he thought. _Well, it's now or never..._ Fidgeting nervously, he took a deep breath, knocked, and then clasped his hands behind his back.

"Coming," he heard the voice from inside announce. The door swung open to reveal an older man.

"Um, hello," Rick stumbled. "Are you Mr. Beckett?"

Jim nodded. "Can I help you?"

"I'm Richard Castle. I was wondering if I could speak with you. May I come in?"

Jim silently stepped aside and allowed Rick to enter. Rick smiled his thanks taking a moment to look around. He scanned the collection of statues adorning the mantle and inspected at the old family photographs on the wall. Turning around, he wondered briefly if Kate had spent any time here recently. It looked as if there hasn't been more than one occupant for many years. Completely different from what he was used to, yet had a familiarity that he found unappealing. Jim invited him to sit down and offered him something to drink. Once seated on the couch, an uncomfortable silence descended.

Jim tried to initiate the conversation. "So you're the one who has been helping out my Katie and Mackenzie."

Rick nodded as he became nervous. He'd never done this before. "Please, call me Rick. Actually, Kate and Mackenzie are the reason I came." He reached into his pocket to retrieve the ring box.

"I came to you today because I wanted to get your blessing," Rick stated. "I've known your daughter and granddaughter for a few months now and I love them both immensely."

Kate's father still hadn't responded yet, other than to look intently at Rick. Jim crossed his arms and turned to Rick. "You know about Mackenzie?"

Rick nodded slightly. "I love Mackenzie." Tears appeared in his eyes before he could control them. "She already calls me 'Daddy' when we're alone together, I want to make it real while I have the chance."

Jim still stared at Rick as if trying to read his soul. "You want to do this, even knowing what Kate's gonna go through again?"

Rick nodded again. "I know what it's like to lose someone. I can help Kate. I want to be the comfort that she will need."

Jim leaned in a bit to convey his earnestness, his voice quiet and deadly serious. "She's been hurt before..."

"I know. She told me about Will. I don't take this lightly. I plan to love, honor and cherish only her for the rest of my life."

Jim didn't say anything but let his eyes drift down to Rick's wedding ring, then back to his eyes. Rick understood. He pulled off the gold band and held it in his open palm. Staring at it, he tried to explain.

"I will always love my first wife and the mother of my children. Loving Kate won't diminish that. In fact, she encourages all of us to express it. She's helped us learn to talk about her and share our happy memories. Your daughter has done so much for me, helping us to become a family again. She's teaching us all to be confidant, to have fun and to love each other."

He looked up at the man sitting attentively on the sofa. "I won't deny that I resisted falling in love with her because of the guilt, but I've accepted that my wife would have wanted me to be happy and for her children to have a mother's love."

He closed his fist around the wedding band. "I'm still afraid of opening my heart. I never want to feel the pain of losing another love again. But I can't help it. I think I started falling for her that first night in the hospital."

He looked down one more time at the ring, then silently slid it into his pocket. For the first time, Jim smiled and slightly nodded his head. Rick breathed a sigh of relief. Now he just needed to convince Kate.

"So, when are you gonna ask her?"

"Well, I hoping to ask her around 9 tonight. I want to take Kate somewhere alone to give her the chance to say no. Would you like to come over to my loft?"

"How soon do you plan on doing this? Katie's been engaged before and things didn't turn out so good."

"If she says yes, then by the end of the week."

"You can find a place that quickly?" Jim asked, astonished.

Rick shook his head. "Given the circumstances, I think we should just marry at my home. I'll talk to my priest today. Would you be able to come?"

Rick felt a little embarrassed asking the man to attend his only daughter's wedding, but judging how Kate spoke of their relationship and the relieved look on Jim's face as he nodded, he'd done the right thing.

"Is there anyone besides yourself that I should invite?"

"Katie's always wanted a large wedding, but that big party can wait."

Rick smiled his appreciation at his understanding. He looked at his watch and realized he needed to get going in order to pull this off. He stood, offering his hand. "Thank you Mr. Beckett, and please, not a word to Kate."

He stood and stared at Rick's hand for a full five seconds before gripping it firmly. Rick felt an incredible gratitude. He wanted this, craved it actually, for himself and his whole family. This experience only strengthened his resolve that he was doing the right thing.


	14. Chapter 14

Rick rushed around town trying to prepare for his proposal and hasty wedding, stopping by city hall to obtain a marriage license, as well as Saks Fifth Avenue to pick up a new dress for Kate. He returned home just as Kate and Mackenzie returned from the hospital.

Seeing how tired she looked, he offered to stay with Mackenzie while Kate took a soak in his Jacuzzi. She eyed him incredulously, but decided not to resist the pull of a relaxing bath. As Rick carried Mackenzie upstairs, she looked up at him with complete adoration and melted his heart all over again.

A few minutes after Mackenzie fell asleep, he shocked his own children by greeting them home from school.

Alexis put her jacket into the hall closet and turned a confused look to her father. "Hi, Daddy. What are you doing here? Are Kate and Mackenzie still at the hospital?"

"It's nice to see you too," he teased. "No, they're both upstairs resting."

Aiden and Alexis snuck puzzled glances at each other as he herded them into the kitchen, puttered around to get snacks for them, then sat down to assist Alexis with her homework.

Aiden finally voiced his misgivings. "You know, you look a lot like Richard Castle, but you don't act like him. What did you do with Mr. Recluse?"

Alexis shushed Aiden, but turned to address her father. "Don't listen to him, Daddy. I like you this way."

He smiled at Alexis, then turned back to answer Aiden's question. "Well, let's just say that Mr. Recluse and I are in a trial separation."

As Martha entered the loft, Rick pulled her into the office to discuss his talk with Jim Beckett and to inform Martha of his plans. They'd just returned to the kitchen when Kate came down the back stairs. She found the family sitting around the kitchen table joking and snacking. She felt a rush of affection for all of them.

"Well, you've mastered the fine art of multitasking. My work here is done," she exclaimed melodramatically, raising her eyes and hands into the air.

The kids laughed and greeted her brightly. She obtained a coffee cup and started asking the kids about their day. She sat down next to Alexis and listened to their stories.

She glanced at Rick a few times. He seemed to be staring at her. She looked away, feeling slightly uncomfortable with his intent gaze. Thinking he still felt upset about their argument that morning, she tried to smooth things over a little.

"Hey, Aiden. Did you tell your dad about your discussion with the Headmaster?"

"Uh, no, not yet. Dad, Kate and I saw Mr. Price before class began. I thought explaining it first before I got detention for disturbing class would be better than after."

"A wise decision, Son." Rick eyed his shiny head. He understood his motivation now, but he was still a bit peeved about it.

Kate leaned over to comment. "Come on, tell him the good part."

Aiden blushed a little, continuing, "Since I still needed a science project, I explained about Mackenzie, and offered to give my biology class a presentation on cancer, it's affect on the body and known treatments. He was amenable to the idea."

"Don't be so modest. He was crazy about it. He actually encouraged Aiden to enlist a group of classmates and lead the project so they could cover a variety of cancers. You know, I think it's the first time I've ever seen him smile."

Aiden smirked. "Yeah, I didn't think he had it in him."

After an early dinner, Kate helped get Alexis ready for the dance, while Aiden and Rick played chess. As they came down the stairs, Kate noticed that Rick had pulled Mackenzie from her wheelchair onto his lap to teach her how the pieces move.

Kate watched from the stairs, unable to move. She felt lucky that Mackenzie had this time with the Castle family, but how many things would her baby not get to experience?

Alexis took her by the hand and squeezed lightly.

"Are you okay, Kate?"

Kate looked down and smiled. "Yeah. How about you. Are you ready to show us your stuff?"

Alexis smiled. "Yeah!"

The family piled into the limo and headed to the recital hall. Aiden sat next to Mackenzie, showing her his latest magic trick, and kept her laughing until they arrived at the hall. Kate started around to the trunk to get Mackenzie's chair before Rick caught her attention with a light touch on her arm.

"Kate, wait. If it's all right with you, I'd like to just carry Mackenzie. She can sit on my lap so we can sit anywhere she'd like."

Kate gave him a cautious look and nodded. She watched his gingerly pick up her daughter and carry her into the building, Kate following closely behind. Aiden stood transfixed by the scene, until he noticed Martha standing at his shoulder.

"I'm scared, Gram. What are we going to do when she's gone?"

She looked at him sympathetically. "We'll miss her terribly and cry a lot."

He looked at her earnestly. "Do you think Dad will shut us out again, like with Mom?"

She shook her head slightly. "I don't think so. He's different now that he's met Kate."

He nodded his head. "I hope she accepts dad's proposal. They need to be together." Martha gave him an appraising look as she followed him into the building.

Paula didn't know what force convinced her to come to the hospital. She'd thought about it all day after Martha had told her about M...Mac...the sick one's predicament. So, after handling the issue with the Gina, she'd driven directly to the hospital for a blood test. She had a sneaking suspicion that Mackenzie's rare blood type matched her own. She stood as a doctor approached her.

"Miss Haas, is it? I'm Dr. Joshua Davidson and you are right. Your HLA type matches exactly the profile we need. If you'll take this prescription to the pharmacy, they will get you the medication you'll need to donate."

"Medication? You mean you can't do it now?" her voice edgy and annoyed at the delay.

The doctor shook his head. "The medication will boost your stem cell production. We'll need you to come back in 4 or 5 days to make the actual donation, giving your body time to create the excess cells the Mackenzie will need. The procedure also takes 4-6 hours to filter the stem cells out of your system, so how does Monday morning sound?"

Paula had scheduled meetings, and with Rick in a funk over Kate's daughter, she knew she couldn't blow them off. She shook her head. "I need to work. If we're going to do it, it'll have to be Sunday."

Dr. Davidson nodded his acquiescence. If for any other patient, he wouldn't ask his staff to do this on the weekend, but for Mackenzie Beckett... Besides, he needed more than just a blood donation from her.

"Miss Haas, you match more than one child's profile. We have a little boy from West Virginia that needs a Bone Marrow Transplantation. Would you allow us to harvest some bone marrow as well?"

Harvest? She shuddered at a mental image of a large tractor churning huge fields of plants to obtain bone-shaped vegetables. "What would I have to do for that?"

"It involves a general or regional anesthesia and a needle insertion either in the sternum or pelvic bone."

At the horrified look on her face, he rushed to reassure her. "There's not much, if any, risk associated and the procedure will only take an hour. The biggest inconvenience will be waiting for the anesthesia to wear off, but that shouldn't take longer than the stem cell aphaeresis"

Paula thoughtfully ticked her fingernail against the chair. She hadn't considered this possibility. It definitely wasn't something she'd ordinarily do. Paula Haas didn't give a rat's ass about kids normally, even sick ones. Now he wanted her to donate her bone marrow for some nobody from the middle of nowhere?

Still...she was coming in anyway. What the hell, she shrugged internally, it won't cost me anything.

"All right, doctor, but on one condition - I want to remain anonymous."

"Are you sure? The families usually like to express their gratitude." At the look on her face, he dropped it, not wanting to scare her away. "Okay, then. Anonymous it is. Shall we say 9 AM?"

Paula nodded. "Okay, see you at 9 o'clock."


	15. Chapter 15

The recital went beautifully. Alexis never performed a solo, but had a confident stage presence, even when she missed one cue. Afterwards, they all went out for ice cream. Kate and Rick both watched Mackenzie carefully, not wanting to her to overdo and send her back to the hospital. Before long, their eyes met in agreement and they headed home.

As Kate started to lead the children upstairs, the doorbell rang. Kate looked expectantly at Rick, but he didn't stop walking up the stairs with Mackenzie in his arms. She shrugged her shoulders, figuring he'd forgotten that Martha wasn't in the house.

"I'll get it. Dad! What are you doing here?" Kate's shock was measurable.

"I need an excuse to visit my granddaughter?" Jim smiled weakly as he stood outside the doorway.

"Usually yes," Kate stated tersely.

"Well, I wanted to read Mackenzie a story tonight. What's so wrong about that?"

"I thought we talked about this. I don't want Mackenzie around you when you've been drinking."

"I've quit Katie," Jim said solemnly.

Kate studied the man before her. "For real? Or is this like the last time?"

"This time is for real." Jim reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver and a red chip handing it to her. "I got these a few weeks ago. I should be getting my yellow one next week." Kate studied the chips in her hand. She wanted to believe her father was really quitting this time but a seed of doubt was still in her mind. Jim seemed to sense that. "Listen Katie, I know I can't erase what has happened over the past few years but I want to change. I'm going to all my meetings. I'll even bring you each chip as I earn them."

"How did you even find us?" Kate asked just as Rick came back down the stairs.

"Oh, hello Jim. Pleasure to see you again," Rick stuck his hand out to greet the older man. Kate watched the exchange in disbelief.

"I just came to help my granddaughter get to bed. Why don't you two just relax?"

Rick nodded, then turned towards Kate. "Splendid idea. Kate, since your father is here, how about sneaking away for a bit? Care to join me for a little dancing?"

Kate wondered about the whole exchange. She crossed her arms and threw Rick a guarded look. "Why do I get the feeling I've been set up here?"

Rick shrugged his shoulders, raising his eyebrows innocently while shaking his head. She was intrigued and excited at the thought that he'd schemed to take her out. Of course, she also wanted to dance with him again.

"Sure. Just give me a chance to change..."

He grinned like a little boy and grabbed her hand, pulling her toward the door. "There's no need, Kate. Just come with me. I've taken care of everything."

Once they settled into the town car, Rick divulged their destination. "How about Swing 46?"

"Oh,Rick, I love that place, but I can't go there dressed like this." She looked down, indicating her bright sweater and tight jeans.

Rick reached down under the seat and extracted a long, slender box. Handing it to her, he repeated, "I'd be grateful if you wore this tonight."

Kate's hands shook a little as she accepted the box from him. She opened it to find a beautiful black cocktail dress. She sat speechless as she lifted it, revealing the sexy v-neck and narrow bottom. Noticing where he'd purchased it, she turned to protest, and found Rick holding a pair of strappy, silver heels and matching clutch. "Rick, I can't accept something this extravagant."

Rick had expected this reaction from her and knew it was time to start wooing. He set down the shoes and purse and took her hand in his.

"Kate, since the day I met you, you have given me and my children the invaluable gifts of love and comfort. When Kyra died, I was lost. I flailed around without direction for years and forced my children to grow up alone." She sat enthralled by the emotion evident in his voice. His eyes shone in the dim light of the town car as he continued to speak. "You've been more than a nanny to them and helped me to find my way back into their lives. I can never repay you for that. Please, accept this as a small token of my gratitude."

Touched by his kind words, she wavered. Fingering the exquisite gown, she hesitated, "I don't know..."

"Please, Kate?" Oh, that voice! It sent shivers down her spine.

"Well, if you insist. Turn around so I can change."

Rick smiled at her with such joy that it melted her heart. He turned to look out the window and tried to think of something other than Kate stripping down beside him. _Oh, why did I think of her almost naked?_ He closed his eyes, which only heightened the sounds of her undressing.

After a couple of torturous minutes, she told him it was safe to turn around. His jaw dropped at the vision beside him. The glistening material clung to her body and highlighted every delicious curve. She pulled out her compact to inspect her hair and make up, not even noticing his ravenous look.

"I guess it will have to do. Here, you need to zip me up." She turned to him and noticed for the first time the befuddled look on his face.

"Do I look okay?"

He swallowed and stammered out, "Breathtaking," before reaching over to pull the zipper up with shaking hands, just as the town car pulled to a stop.

They sat enjoying a drink of champagne and a wonderful conversation when they heard the band start playing. As he offered his arm, they both remembered their last dance and burst out laughing.

"Well, I don't know if Sinatra can compete with the children, but why don't we give it a try?"

"I'd love to."

Kate adored dancing, especially with Rick. He moved her around the dance floor so skillfully, that she hardly noticed her feet touching the ground. They danced several numbers in succession, until the tempo slowed. He gradually reached in to pull her a little closer to his body, dipping his head down to press his cheek next to hers.

Impulsively, she reached both arms up to drape them loosely around his neck and placed a whisper of a kiss on his cheek. She felt his body tense for a moment, then his breath as he exhaled slowly against her neck.

They continued to gravitate toward one another until they merely swayed back and forth to the music. She could feel his heart beating rapidly against her chest as he pulled his face back to look in her eyes. He didn't say anything, just stared for a long moment. Kate's breath caught at the intense look just before he lowered his head to capture her mouth.

The kiss was long and sweet, full of every tender emotion that he felt for the woman in his arms. He pulled away slowly, savoring her flavor on his lips. When he opened his eyes again, they brimmed with tears.

Kate's brow crinkled in concern. "Rick, what's wrong?"

He gave a watery smile and shook his head. "Nothing. I just never thought I'd ever feel this way again."

"Feel what way?" Kate uttered the words weakly, both afraid and hopeful of the answer.

"Alive...free...happy..." The smile disappeared from his mouth, "and so completely and madly in love." He smiled again at the stunned look on her face. "You befriended me, encouraging me to become a good father again. You support me in everything that I do and give me a swift kick in the butt when I need it." She smiled, her own eyes a little moist from his tender words. "Most of all, you brought me back to life, allowing me a second chance at joy and happiness. I love you, Kate!"

She could hardly breathe as she listened to him declare his love. This beautiful, caring, sexy as hell, wealthy man loves me. She never dared to hope someone like him could love someone like her.

She wanted to believe him, but a nagging doubt remained. They had stopped dancing and simply stood still in the middle of the dance floor, gazing at each other. She looked into his eyes, searching for the answer.

Could she trust him? Could she risk her own heart again?

The realization hit Kate all at once, taking her breath away. It didn't matter. Whether she wanted to open her heart or not, she'd already lost it to him. Not acting on her feelings wouldn't stop any pain if things didn't work out, it would just deprive them of something deeper and more rewarding.

She loved him. She had since Mackenzie's birthday when she'd discovered his kindness. The tears that threatened to fall finally slipped out and trailed slowly down her cheek. He reached up to wipe them away.

"I love you, too" she murmured.

He stepped back from her, reaching into his pocket. He shocked her by dropping to one knee.

"Kate, I look into the future and I can't imagine my life without you. Will you marry me?"

Her breath caught as he presented the ring to her. It was magnificent, sparkling in the dim light of the dance hall. His eyes sparkled as well, hinting at his nervousness when she didn't respond immediately.

She sat down on his knee and placed her hands on his cheeks. Giving him a tender kiss on the lips, she whispered, "Yes, Rick. I would love to marry you."

His smile lit up the room. Standing, he took the ring and placed it on her finger, then embraced her. The dance floor erupted into applause as he passionately kissed his fiancée.

* * *

Kate slapped her hand haphazardly in the direction of her incessantly beeping alarm clock. She hadn't gotten much sleep since Mackenzie went back to the hospital and it was starting to take its toll on her. She groaned. Just five more minutes; then she'd get up.

Suddenly, her eyes flew open and she sat up in her bed. Slowly, she lifted her left hand and stared. There sparkling in the dim morning light sat the most beautiful diamond solitaire she'd ever seen. It wasn't a dream. Rick had really proposed last night. She heard a faint knock on her bedroom door.

"Come in."

The door opened to reveal the object of her thoughts. Still wearing his pajamas and robe, he came into her room and sat down on the edge of her bed. He stared into her bright eyes for a moment then leaned in to give her a lingering kiss.

"Good morning." His lips continued to caress hers as he spoke. "I couldn't wait to see you."

She reached up to run her fingers through his sleep-tousled hair. "Rick," she sighed, wantonly.

With one word, she took his breath away, driving him mad with desire. Without further thought, he wrapped his arms around her and attacked her mouth. She welcomed it, pulling him down with her until he lay across her chest, nestled among her pillows.

Both of their eyes popped open at a knock on her door. She smiled regretfully as he dropped his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes tightly. "I don't think I can wait until Sunday, Kate. Let's elope today."

"Hey, I'm not the one who put on the brakes last night."

He lifted his head to look her in the eye. "I know. I want everything legal first. I'm not just marrying you for that incredibly sexy and delicious body of yours..."

She pushed him up and smiled seductively, trailing her fingernails down the center of his chest. A more insistent knock interrupted her response.

"Duty calls..."

"Kate, are you awake? I need your help with my costume." Alexis's voice pierced the wooden barrier as the doorknob jiggled.

"I'm up, Alexis. I'll be right there." She looked at Rick and whispered, "You locked the door?"

He smiled with a predatory grin, pulling her up from the bed into his embrace. "Guilty, as charged. I had the most fantastically erotic dream about my gorgeous fiancée and wanted a little privacy."

She started to kiss him again, but he pulled away fearing that an additional delay would bring Alexis back. Stepping to the door, he opened it and peered out to make sure the hall had cleared. Before he could make his escape, she tugged on the belt of his robe, pulling him back for another kiss.

"When do you want to tell them?"

"Unless someone notices this," she lifted her left hand and wiggled her fingers. "After breakfast. Otherwise, they won't get to school on time."

"I love you."

"I love you more."


	16. Chapter 16

The morning was pure pandemonium. Kate rushed to find Alexis's tiara and wand, when Aiden squeezed into the bathroom asking for make-up tips for his mummy costume, Kate inspected the yards of dirty gauze they'd attached previously. She thanked him again for putting it together in advance.

After getting the kids ready for school in their Halloween costumes, they spent a good 10 minutes calming them down after they announced their wedding plans. The family enjoyed an energetic breakfast and piled into the car, speeding off just before Paula arrived.

She entered the loft with her usual assuredness. Martha stood in the entry and gave her a look of confusion and worry. "What are you still doing here? Did you miss your flight?"

Paula looked back at her, surprised. "Flight? What flight?"

Martha smiled devilishly as she replied, "It's that special time of year. Shouldn't you be off to meet your sisters for the annual coven in Salem?"

Paula scowled, realizing she'd just walked right into that one. "Can it, I'm not in the mood. Where is Rick this morning? We have a meeting in less than an hour."

"Gone."

"Gone, what do you mean, gone?"

"Gone to spend the day with his children and fiancée." Martha peered at her with a grin, waiting for her reaction. She didn't disappoint. Her eyes widened as the words sunk in, then her hand flew to her mouth before she dropped her purse and raced to the bathroom.

Martha hadn't actually expected her to lose her breakfast. She headed to the kitchen to get Paula a drink of water. She returned to find her on the sofa, leaning back with her eyes closed. She looked tired. She knew she never took care of herself and wondered if she was coming down with the flu. She had no doubt that she would take on the extra work with Rick and Kate getting married.

Paula peeked through her mostly closed eyelids. Taking the glass from Martha, she took a sip and questioned, "So, when are they doing the deed?"

Martha noticed her eyes flashing with something. Was that jealousy? Regret? She squinted his eyes at her, but she had resumed her usual indifferent demeanor. "I thought you said you weren't in love with him."

"I'm not, but for a while, I think I did love the idea of being in love with him. I always felt jealous toward Kyra for what she'd found." She paused closing her eyes against some unwanted emotion. When she spoke again, her voice sounded quizzical. "Martha, why did he find love again when he wasn't even looking?"

Martha stared at her intensely for a moment, and then looked down. She shook her head slightly, making Paula wonder what thoughts were churning around in there. Finally, she seemed to end some internal argument and looked back into her eyes, her voice soft, but earnest.

"When he met Kate, he didn't close off the option because of any preconceived thoughts. Her past, her position, status: none of it mattered. Kate, the woman, was exactly what he needed." She dropped his gaze and sighed, "I guess when he was just ready to received it, the love found him."

Paula tried to stand, but a sudden wave of nausea took her and she closed her eyes and pressed her hands to her middle, concentrating on calming her queasy stomach.

She flinched slightly as Martha placed her hand against her forehead. "You don't have a fever. How long have you felt sick?" Uh, oh. She didn't want to discuss this, or Martha would figure out the cause of her sudden illness.

"Since I arrived this morning. Seeing you is enough to make anyone sick," Paula deferred with a barb.

She opened her eyes to see Martha smother a grin. "Next time, I'll just poison your coffee and finish you off."

Searching for an escape, she glanced down at her watch. "Damn, I'm late. Well, since it's too late to cancel, I'll just have to handle the meeting myself." Paula jumped up and made her escape, pausing briefly at the door to retrieve her purse.

* * *

Kate plopped down on the sofa and released a huge sigh of relief. She didn't remember ever feeling this tired in her whole life. She had been running on adrenaline for over a week now, and she wanted to sleep for a month. Tomorrow, she would get married and the day after, her daughter would receive the transplant she so desperately needed.

She smiled subtly as she remembered how they had received the news.

The family had stopped to talk to Aiden at his Festival game 'station' where they all conspired together to get Rick to bob for an apple. With Alexis, Kate and Mackenzie encouraging him, he didn't stand a chance.

Thoroughly wet, he had happily munched on his prize while Aiden challenged Kate to a doughnut-eating contest.

Kate eyed the glazed confection hanging from a string. "What do you mean, I can't use my hands?"

"Come on, Kate. All you've got to do is eat the doughnut off the string without letting it fall. You're not afraid that I can out-eat you, are you?" Aiden jeered.

Unwilling to let that comment pass, Kate turned around and let them bind her wrists behind her back. "You are so going to regret challenging me."

Kate had just pulled the last bit into her mouth when she heard her father calling her name from across the gym. The hospital had called him when they hadn't reached anyone at the Castle residence. They had found a donor! They would gather the cells on Sunday, so they scheduled the procedure for Monday morning. Her smile widened as she felt a soft caress across her forehead, then down her cheek.

"You have such a beautiful smile." Rick's soothing voice came from just above her head.

Keeping her eyes closed, she reached up to clasp his hand, pulling him down toward her. "You know, we're not supposed to see each other for 24-hours before our wedding. It's bad luck."

As she spoke, she found his shirt and pulled until she felt him sit down next to her, his face leaning in toward her. She released his shirt and rubbed her fingers across the stubble on his jaw.

"Fine. I'll get you a blindfold."

His tone let her know exactly what he thought of her superstitious tradition. She giggled. "Oh, kinky!"

He smiled at her flirtatious tone. He ran a hand along her face, down her neck and shoulder until he took her hands. "You look tired."

Kate opened her eyes, smiling at her future husband. "Whoever said we could get ready for a wedding in four days was insane. The next time I have the chance to elope, I'm going to take it."

Rick gave her an affronted glare. "There better not be a 'next time', unless you're talking about renewing our wedding vows."

She answered by pulling him in for a demanding kiss that took his breath away. Pulling back to rest his forehead against hers, he closed his eyes to catch his breath and regain his sanity. They'd hardly spent two minutes alone together since their engagement, and he desperately wanted to show her how much he loved her. However, seeing her exhaustion convinced him to wait. Until tomorrow.

He stood and picked her up from the couch. "Come on, let's get you to bed."

"Oh, Mr. Castle," she squealed playfully, "you're sending me to my room?" Her smile turned wicked as she wrapped her arm around him tightly and scraped her fingers through his hair. "Better yet, send me to your room..."

A primal groan rumbled up from his chest. Tomorrow couldn't come soon enough.


	17. Chapter 17

Paula pounded her fist against the steering wheel. _What is wrong with me?_ she thought tersely. She knew it was stupid question, but it didn't stop her mind from railing at her incongruent behavior. Rick owed her big for taking care of everything this week. Well, that and for the other thing as well, but he'd never find out about her blood donation visit to the hospital. She grimaced as she remembered the doctor's warning that there were medicinal side effects, such as 'some achiness', 'possible insomnia' or 'slight nausea'.

Paula closed her eyes against the wave that hit her again. Slight nausea? She'd felt like puking her guts out since she took the first dose. She had been able to hold it in with a few deep breaths and a little concentration, except the morning that Martha had taunted her about Rick ditching her to spend the day with his future wife.

She glanced at her reflection in her rearview mirror. She looked like hell, too. Apparently, the 'possible insomnia' meant not being able to sleep more than an hour a night. She spent the rest of the time feeling her aching bones and listening to her mind race. She glanced at the clock on her dash and realized it was time to go. She exited the car and stood a moment staring at the hospital entrance. She silently gave thanks that Sunday had finally arrived, even though this procedure made her nervous. Fleetingly, she wished someone had come with her. She growled at her own insecurities, slamming her palm against the window of her car. She closed her eyes and shook her head as she entered the hospital lab. She needed to get this over with quickly if she wanted to make it to Rick's wedding.

* * *

Rick grabbed Martha's arm as she passed by.

"Mother, have you seen Paula?"

"I'm sorry kiddo."

He glanced at his watch, and then over to gauge the audience that consisted of Jim, Lanie, Javier, Ryan, and the children. "The natives are getting restless. I'll give Paula ten more minutes before we get started."

Rick wandered over to speak to the officiant, pausing briefly to kiss the top of Mackenzie's head from her makeshift bed on the sofa. She grinned at him, holding up her basket of rose petals, indicating she was ready to do her job.

Ten minutes had passed and Rick gave the signal to begin. Everyone sat down as Martha nodded to the pianist to play the wedding march. Paula slipped through the front door then and quietly took a seat.

Rick smiled at her, relieved. He considered Paula his friend. In a way, he saw her attendance today as a form of approval. He knew it was silly, but since Paula had been Kyra's best friend since childhood, her acceptance of his marriage felt like getting Kyra's approval.

He smiled at her, turning his attention to the staircase. He watched with fatherly pride as his daughter made her way down, followed by his future wife. His wife. He liked the sound of that.

As Kate drew near, Mackenzie tossed a few rose petals across her path. Kate smiled at her daughter. The impact of what she was about to do hit her, taking her breath away. She was getting married! She looked into his eyes and smiled, wondering again if she were dreaming. If so, she hoped she'd never wake up.

Rick couldn't believe how beautiful she looked walking towards him and in just a few short minutes they would officially be husband and wife. A feeling of tranquility washed over him as Kate stepped next to him and the officiant began speaking.

"Family and friends, we welcome you today to witness the marriage of Richard and Katherine. You have shared and contributed to their lives in the past, and by witnessing their marriage ceremony today, Katherine and Richard ask you to share in their future.

Marriage is a promise, made in the hearts of two people who love each other, which takes a lifetime to fulfill. Within the circle of its love, marriage encompasses all of life's most important relationships. A wife and a husband are each other's lover, teacher, listener, critic, and best friend.

It is into this state that Katherine and Richard wish to enter.

Who gives their blessings to this union?"

"We do," Martha and Jim announced.

"If anyone present can show just cause as to why this couple may not be legally joined together, you should now declare it, or hereafter hold your peace." Martha stole a glance at Paula and was met with silence.

"Richard, do you take Katherine to be your wife? Will you take Katherine into your family, and take her family as your own. Do you promise to love her, honor her, and treasure her. Do you promise to trust her, and to trust in your marriage. Do you promise to savor your good times, and to have faith that the bad times will pass. Do you promise to value your differences as much as your common ground. Do you promise to give Katherine your help and support, and to accept help and support from her. Do you promise to keep your promises, and not to make promises you can't keep. Do you promise Katherine always."

"I do," Richard smiled looking at Kate.

"Katherine, do you take Richard to be your husband? Will you take Richard into your family, and take his family as your own. Do you promise to love him, honor him, and treasure him. Do you promise to trust him, and to trust in your marriage. Do you promise to savor your good times, and to have faith that the bad times will pass. Do you promise to value your differences as much as your common ground. Do you promise to give Richard your help and support, and to accept help and support from him. Do you promise to keep your promises, and not to make promises you can't keep. Do you promise Richard always."

"I do," Kate smiled through her tears.

"Katherine and Richard, please face each other and hold hands. Richard, as you look at Katherine, repeat these words after me: I, Richard, take you Katherine, to be my wife, to have and to hold, from this day forth, to love, honor, and cherish, to comfort and respect, in sorrow or in joy, in hardship or in plenty, so long as we both shall live."

The officiant then turned to Kate. "Katherine, as you look at Richard, repeat these words after me: I. Katherine, take you Richard, to be my husband, to have and to hold, from this day forth, to love, honor, and cherish, to comfort and respect, in sorrow or in joy, in hardship or in plenty, so long as we both shall live.

"The ring is a symbol of unity into which your two lives are now joined in an unbroken circle; in which, wherever you go, you will return to one another."

Rick took her hand in his and repeated the phrase he had learned earlier in the week as he slipped her wedding band over her knuckle. "Kate, I offer this ring as a symbol of my love and devotion. Let it always be a reminder of my vows to you."

Kate imitated his actions as she blinked back her tears. "Rick, I offer this ring as a symbol of my love and devotion. Let it always be a reminder of my vows to you."

"Katherine and Richard, may your home be a haven of peace and your relationship be one of truth and understanding. May you enjoy length of days, fulfillment of hopes, and peace and content of mind as you, day by day, live and fulfill the terms of this covenant you have made with one another. And now, for as much as you have made your vows, each to the other, and have declared the same by giving and receiving your rings, I pronounce that you are wife and husband, husband and wife. Richard, you may kiss your bride!"

Paula stifled a yawn, wondering if they would notice her sneaking out. She decided to wait until they cut the cake. However, judging from the looks they gave each other while dancing, she might take root before they finished.

She stood to retrieve a drink of water and fought the dizziness again. She wanted something harder, whiskey maybe, but the idea brought the queasiness back. The doctor had promised that the side effects would wear off by tomorrow. A soft sigh escaped her lips. She hoped so. She was so tired, and her headache made her want to curl into the fetal position and cry like a baby.

She glanced again at the happy couple. They danced with their children now, Rick with Mackenzie and Alexis and Kate with Aiden. She looked at Mackenzie again, an unexpected rush of affection taking her by surprise. She deserved a chance to grow up, especially since she was so loved.

A feeling of regret arose within her as she considered her own bleak childhood. She could remember a time before she met Kyra; she had actually wished to die. She shook her head at the thought and winced at the pain throbbing behind her eyes. She swayed slightly, catching herself on the back of a chair.

"What's wrong? Drunk already?"

Still caught in her melancholy thought, she ignored the comment. She tipped her head slightly in Mackenzie's direction. "Do you think she'll make it?"

Martha squinted at her. From the dark circles under her eyes and the vein throbbing in her temple, she could tell she had a massive headache, but Paula Haas getting sentimental over a child? That would be a first.

"All right, how many of those have you had?"

Paula looked down at the empty glass in her hand. She smiled, responding with a mysterious air. "Not as many as you think."

Martha watched as she placed a hand to her head, her eyes unfocused, as she started to sway. "Martha?" she asked, her voice distant and faint behind the buzzing in her ears. As darkness started to close in, she saw Martha rush to her side to catch her.

* * *

Rick kicked his bedroom door opened and carried his bride into the room. Setting her down carefully on the bed, he sat next to her and gave her a long, unhurried kiss. Pulling away, he stroked her cheek with his knuckles, and smiled excitedly.

"Wait right here."

He hopped up and shut the door, then removed his jacket and tie. Tossing them over the armchair, he retrieved a bottle of champagne from the ice bucket and poured some of the golden liquid into two waiting glasses.

"To you," He sat down next to her and handed one of the glasses to her. "Inside and out, you are the most extraordinary woman I've ever met."

Kate wrapped her glass around his arm and gently tapped, making both ring out in crystallized tones. "To us."

They drank, never breaking eye contact. Rick took her glass and set it down. He took her hands and stared into her eyes for a moment before grinning apprehensively.

"You know, I've wanted to have you here for so long that it doesn't feel real."

She smiled at his confession. Looking down, she anxiously played with his new wedding band. "I know what you mean. I've had this idea about marriage since I was a little girl. I keep repeating to myself that "we're married", but now I'm not sure what that means."

He tilted his head and considered her a moment. Leaning in, he gave her another soft kiss and whispered, "It means that I'll love you and stand beside only you for the rest of my days."

She closed her eyes against the tidal wave of emotion that hit her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him with everything she felt inside her. As their breaths quickened, Kate ran her fingers up through Rick's hair, deepening their kiss with increasing passion, and pulling him toward her.

In a sudden movement, she pushed him away and stood up, facing him. She gave him a sexy smile and started to tug off one of her long white gloves. He sat up, mesmerized by her movements, as she playfully discarded the other, along with her veil. In his frenzied haze, even the simple toss of her head added to his need for her.

She kicked off her shoes and raised her leg to place it on the bed next to him. She pulled up the hem of her dress to slide off her stockings, when she felt his hands join hers to help. Her breath caught as his fingers brushed the inside of her thigh, pulling the stocking down. Switching legs, she let him take over, while she reached for his buttons.

She pushed her palms along his collarbone, dropping the shirt from his shoulders. At the feel of her hands on his bare skin, he stood and took her mouth in a deep kiss, pulling her close and running his hands down her back in search of her zipper. Kate joined him in his movements, tugging aggressively at his belt. Her dress and his pants fell away almost simultaneously, followed closely by their underwear.

He stepped back and took in the vision of his nude wife, while she did the same with him. He grabbed her hand again and pulled her back into a tight embrace, starting a slow, sensual exploration of her skin. As he reveled in her perfect body, enjoying her response to his touch, he slowed down even further.

Although she loved that he wanted to take his time with her, Kate felt her remaining patience with his delicious torture slipping away. Finally unable to stand it any longer, she roughly pushed him onto his back and attacked him with frantic movements of her own.

At this point, Rick forgot his promise to be slow and deliberate, and joined her with his own passionate and fiery motions, pausing only briefly to whisper her name and his love before driving them both over the edge together.


	18. Chapter 18

Paula opened her eyes to an unfamiliar room, shrouded in darkness. She tried to focus on her surroundings, but the dull ache behind her eyes still made it difficult. Where was she? Deciding to get some answers, she rolled to her side and started to push herself up, groaning as her stiff muscles screamed their disapproval.

She felt a firm grip on her shoulder help her sit up. Startled, she started to ask "Who..."

"Here, drink this," the voice commanded gently, handing her a tall glass of water. "Slowly."

She complied and handed it back. "Thank you."

The soft moonlight filtered through the curtains, allowing her to finally see around the room. The first thing she noticed was Martha as she sat back back in her chair, her legs crossed at the ankle over the ottoman. "Martha, where am I?"

"Katherine's old room. I brought you here when you fainted." She chuckled into the darkness. "Actually Richard carried you up here. You scared them practically to death."

She smiled, watching her silhouette bounce slightly in the chair next to the bed, continuing to laugh at the memory. When she realized what he said, her eyes widened slightly. Someone had removed her dress. She closed her eyes, dismayed. That meant that her bandages were visible.

They had drawn the bone marrow out of her chest and the blood out of the vein in her leg, near the groin. If Kate saw them, she probably knew. "Martha, who undressed me?"

"Katherine and myself did."

Damn. Well, maybe they hadn't figured it out.

"You know, it was not wise to leave the hospital so quickly Paula."

Shit. So much for anonymity. She turned her head and looked at her again. She could not see her eyes in the dim light, but hrt posture shouted her concern. She cleared her throat, afraid to find out.

"Who else knows?"

Martha shook her head. "No one. When the nurse discovered you'd left before properly recuperating, she called me."

"What about the bandages? Didn't Kate figure it out?"

Martha reached up to take her hand. "Actually, she was suspicious of your bandage, but I told her I'd overheard you scheduling an appointment to have a mole removed. I think she bought it. I assume you didn't want anyone to know that you're Mackenzie's donor?"

She nodded her head. "Kate can be so sentimental and gushy when it comes to that kid. I couldn't tell anyone, especially you."

Martha smiled. "Frankly, I'm surprised you put me as your emergency contact."

Without thinking, she blurted out, "Well, they told me to list someone I trusted..." Realizing what she'd just admitted, she drew her hand away. "Besides, I knew how much my death would mean to you..."

An uneasy silence descended; Paula embarrassed and Martha pensive. "Paula, sometimes we simply need someone who will be there for us. Someone who will sit there and listen. You are always welcome to come to me."

Paula nodded with a small smile. "I know. Thank you Martha."

* * *

Kate stood and stretched her arms high in an effort to get the blood circulating through her tired body. Releasing her breath and dropping her arms, she checked Mackenzie's vital signs and monitors. No change.

She tried to look on the bright side; no change meant not worse. She dropped her head back and squeezed her eyes shut. Everything that could have gone wrong, had gone wrong. A severe allergic reaction to the chemo drugs, then some of the white blood cells from the donor had stayed in Mackenzie's body, causing her body to attack them.

Five days since her transplant and she lay there, wasting away. It made her want to scream.

She jumped a little as his hands slid around her waist, pulling her into his embrace. He placed tiny kisses on her neck, mumbling as he went, "I'm sorry. Did I startle you?"

"I told you, Rick, never sneak up." She leaned her head to one side, giving him permission to continue. As he became more bold, she sighed appreciatively. "What are you doing up?"

He rested his chin on her shoulder, turning to look into her eyes. "Is that a serious question?"

She continued to look at him expectantly. He raised his eyebrows suggestively. "I reached for my beautiful wife in my sleep and awoke, disappointed, when I realized she was gone."

She turned within his embrace, pulling him in for a lingering kiss. "Mr. Castle, you say the most enchanting things at", she glanced at the clock behind them, "3 in the morning."

He glanced up at the clock on the wall, the hands swimming across the face. Blearily, he rubbed his eyes. "Is it time for Mackenzie's medication?"

She nodded, releasing him. "I'll be back in a few minutes. Why don't you go back to bed?"

He sat on the edge of Mackenzie's bed and took Kate's hand, kissing each delicate finger. "I'd rather wait for you. I'll just sit here with her until you come back."

She nodded, then leaned over her daughter and placed a light kiss on her forehead. "I'll be back in a few minutes, Angel."

She left them and Rick listened to the gentle hum of Mackenzie's monitors as the seconds ticked by. He smiled slightly as he looked at his daughter, remembering her joyous look when his lawyer arrived Monday morning with the adoption papers. They all signed their names before driving to the hospital to begin the procedure. She was his now.

He reached out and brushed his fingers across her cheek. Her eyelids fluttered, and then opened, squinting against the light. She smiled. He smiled back, remembering their first meeting. "Hi. I thought you were going to sleep forever. I'm your Daddy."

She closed her eyes again, her smile widening. "Hi Daddy," she croaked.

Rick picked up her water and offered her a drink, which she accepted gratefully. She scrunched her eyes closed and clenched her jaw a moment as Rick gently took her hand.

"It hurts, Daddy."

"I know, Sweetheart. Mommy just left to get your medicine." Mackenzie opened her eyes again and gave him a piercing gaze. He grasped her hand tighter. "Mackenzie, what is it?"

"She said tomorrow the pain would go away and that I could go play in the park."

Her voice drifted in from a far distance, like she was reliving some distant memory. Rick leaned down to hear her better. "What do you mean, Mackenzie? Who is she?"

"She said I could have some ice cream and play with her little dog, Scotts."

Rick felt the blood drain from his face, as he comprehended what she was saying. Kyra had had a little, black terrier, named Scotts, when he'd met her. She'd received him as a birthday present before they started college. Scotts had been Kyra's baby for 5 years. She was devastated when a car struck Scotts the year after they married.

He shook his head. "No, sweetheart, it was just a dream. You need your rest if you're going to get better."

Mackenzie's hand tightened on his as she closed her eyes in pain. Rick heard the monitors at her side start to race, slowly coming back to normal. He watched her face relax again, relieved that whatever pain she felt had vanished. He reached up to wipe a tear from her cheek.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Mackenzie?"

"Will you sing me the song? The one you used to sing to Aiden when he was scared?"

Rick closed his eyes and nodded. He hadn't sung it since Aiden was two and doubted anyone but Kyra would remember. He dredged up the words from his memory, humming the tune a little as he modified the words to fit the child in front of him.

"Mackenzie, Mackenzie, put away your tears.

I'm here with you; there's no need for fear.

Mackenzie, Mackenzie, it's getting late, now.

Time to close your eyes and dream; dream of things you like to see.

Dreams of Central Park in the spring,

Butterflies and playground swings.

Dream of Ladybugs and chocolate, too.

Dream of me, here, loving you.

Mackenzie, Mackenzie, it's time for sleep now.

Close your eyes and start to dream."

Mackenzie smiled at Rick, relaxing as she listened to the words of his song. When he finished, her forehead wrinkled with worry. "Daddy, Kyra said you would take care of mommy. I don't want her to be sad. Will you?"

Rick closed his eyes, the reality of her words washing over him. Tears came to his eyes as he realized that his first wife and his new daughter would soon be together. The tear slipped down his cheek as he nodded.

"Of course, Sweetheart. I can't promise that she won't be sad, but I will take care of her. We're going to miss you dreadfully."

Mackenzie reached up to touch her locket. "Will you give this to Mommy? That way, she can always have me in her heart."

He smiled at her statement. He removed the necklace and opened it up. Kate had added a picture of himself with his two kids in the opposite side of the locket, completing their little family.

He heard a noise behind him and turned to see Kate standing in the doorway. The look on her face told him she'd heard enough to understand their conversation. He stood and rushed to her side, taking the medication from her and wrapping his arms around her tightly as her knees gave out.

She dropped her head into his chest, her whole body trembling. She kept shaking her head and murmuring no over and over as he hugged her tightly to him. He placed his hand under her chin and gently encouraged her to look into his eyes. "Kate, you can do this. She's afraid. You need to stay with her tonight and show her that everything is going to be all right."

She pinched her eyes closed against the tears. Shaking her head slightly again, she whispered, "Rick, I'm not ready to say goodbye."

"I know, but I'm here; I'll help you." He gave her a lingering kiss, then walked her over to Mackenzie's bedside.

The next morning found both Rick and Kate on Mackenzie's little hospital bed, snuggling her between them. Rick opened his eyes to stare at his new daughter, her rasping breath faint and labored. He looked at the monitor and realized that her heart rate had dropped.

He raised his head to look at Kate. Her eyes were closed, but he could tell she wasn't sleeping by the way she tightly clutched Mackenzie to her. He reached over and stroked her arm. Her eyes opened, red-rimmed from tears. She looked down at her daughter, kissing the top of her head.

Rick placed his hand on her cheek. "Kate. It's time to let her go."

He leaned down and whispered in Mackenzie's ear. "I love you, Mackenzie. I'm so glad that I got to be your Daddy. Have fun with Kyra and Scotts and don't worry about Mommy. I'll take good care of her. We'll meet again someday soon. Goodbye, Sweetheart."

He looked up at Kate. She met his gaze, nodding. "Give me a minute?"

He leaned over and kissed her gently before getting off the bed and retreating to the door. He stood there, arms wrapped tightly around himself, weeping as he listened to his wife say goodbye to her daughter.

"Mackenzie, my little angel, I don't know what I'll do without you. We've been together so long, that everywhere I go and everything I do will remind me of you. Come to think of it, that's a good thing; I'll never forget you."

She squeezed her a little tighter against her as the tears began sliding down her cheek again. "I'll miss you so much, Baby. You will be in my heart, always."

She closed her eyes and kissed her on the cheek. "I love you, Angel."

Mackenzie struggled to open her eyes a little. "Love you more, Mama."

Kate smiled through her tears. Choking a little on the words, she whispered to her, giving her the permission to leave. "Go on, Baby. Go and play. I'll see you soon."

Mackenzie smiled one more time, relaxing completely. A minute later, her monitors went flat, bringing the nurses and doctors running to find her still smiling in her mother's arms.

* * *

**A/N: I want to apologize for the tears I have caused. Even I was not immune to them. Almost everyone requested that Rick use his money to find a cure for Mackenzie and while I agree that that idea was good, it was never my intention. In this story, it was always in Mackenzie's fate to perish.**

**Please don't take this as I hate children because I let the cancer win. In truth, I love this child whom I fictionally called Mackenzie, but much too often cancer does actually win. We are working on finding a cure, and you can help by visiting alexslemonade dot org backslash contribute to make a donation.**


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